Pearls of wisdom from under-5s

[Dee]

Just got these in an e-mail from Jimmy. :)

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine says five to six."

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

DI (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is hewhispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked,"Why doesn't your skin fit your face?

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... "Dear Lord," the minister began,with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued, but at that moment the very little daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to the mom and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

"Mom, what’s butt dust?"

[AceOn6]

Thanks, I needed a giggle.

[Dee]

Me too actually. My boyfriend loves to laugh as much as I do, so that must mean something MYSTICAL and PROFOUND!

LOL

[snakegrl]

LOLOLOL All we are is butt-dust in the wind...

[KarenSews2]

Very funny! But I think I'd watch little Steven! That's more than a little creepy! LOL

[ponytail]

Shades of Art Linkletter! Those are really cute. Thanks, Dee!

And thanks to little Melanie for the tip. I just looked in the back of my panties, and now I'm only 38 to 40!;)

[Dee]

There a couple of brothers in my building - I'd guess ages three and 5 - who find me rather curious. I believe there is no father in their household, and their mother is deaf. Whenever they see me in the lobby they immediately pepper me with "whys." Why are you listening to music under headphones? Can I hear? Why do you have hair on your face? Followed by attempts to pick at it. They also like to call me names, which makes me laugh. "You're a giraffe." "You're a monkey head," and so forth. I don't mind. I find them downright amusing, in fact.

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

When asked by his mother at the age of 4 just what he wanted to be when he grew up Little Redjack drew his rubber sword from the scabboard, adjusted his eye patch and replied "I want to be a pirate captain in Phoenix so I can go around Shivering peoples timbers..." To that his mother informed little Redjack that Pirates don't live in Phoenix because theres no ocean there after a serious look and moment of pondering he said " Then I will move to Pittsburgh"...

At ages 4 & 5 respectively Sister Rose and Hoops were being repremanded for taking little Joey's peddlecar without permission. After a long lecture about not taking other childrens toys Sister Rose glanced up and said only "It's ok, there is no such crime yet as Grand theft peddlecar... Hoops of course rolled her eyes upward and stated factually... "I didn't steal it, I just did the hotwiring..."

At age 4 Betty was asked by her parents what she wanted to become when she grew up her reply was "I want to be a mad scientist"... and you know she did...

At age 5 Pat stated factually that her desires in life were to be a doctor that enjoyed classical music so she could enjoy good music while she helped people... But alas in a strange quirk of fate she ended up being a Lawyer married to a "rock" star....Even the best of intentions...:cool:

Ahhhh but such is life.... Kids say the darndest thangs....

Best to all

R. from Pa.

[KarenSews2]

I loved it when my girls (and pre-schoolers I've taught) knew of jokes, but not really what made them "funny."
Examples:

Little kid: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
LK: Tiger
Me: Tiger who?
LK: GRRRRR! (followed by laughter)


LK: What did Santa say to the bad little boy?
Me: I don't know, what [U]did[U] Santa say to the bad little boy?
LK: Ho Ho Ho! (followed by laughter)

Ya gotta love it! :)

[Dee]

Yes, kids can really crack me up sometimes Karen.

The way they see the world is a good reminder of what is really important in life too.



All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum (http://www.peace.ca/kindergarten.htm)

(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

[david uk]

lol Dee that made me laugh so much I think I may just share it with people at work lol

:p

[Eva]

Lovely, Dee. And so true.

PA Randy, I think we need to convince Giggles to make discriptions with pictures of all of us ZOO creatures when we were still small. I think that would be funny! You started in a great way. Please continue!

Eva

[hoops]

i have 3 nephews ( out of the 20 nieces and nephews that i have total) that are living with me right now and they often come up with ringers...here are two i can remember
!) My sister was telling the 4 year old that he needed a bath and he asked why, she told him that he stinks. well the little guy said "You stink too mommy." and mommy said "oh yeah! what do i smell like?" The boy said without amissing a beat "One too" Mom was mystified by his answer and asked what he meant by that and he said " you know . Like my cousins say ' you look like a monkey and you smell like one too."

2)PREFACE We are catholics ( if you need more explaination please ask) on our way out the door to go to mass one Sunday the 3 year old says ( as he almost always does) "I'm thirsty" and mom tells him ok then we'll get a drink at church, trying to help him remeber the water foutnain in the back vestibule of the church. he's not listening because he wants his drink NOW so he says " all they have to drink at church is blood.'
please don't tell my sister that i told you that one :)

[Bat]

Oh, Hoops, I would have fallen out of the car! That is tooooo funny!:eek:

[DaveM]

Must be an interesting church....I've heard rumors....

[Dee]

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d149/danielmarkskelton/EMOTICONS/ROFL.gif

Kids. Where do they get these things?

[snakegrl]

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d149/danielmarkskelton/EMOTICONS/ROFL.gif

Kids. Where do they get these things?
My nephew got it from his grandpa. When the kid was 2, he sat very quietly in the back seat of the car my dad was driving. Dad uses explitives to help him drive better.
At a most inopportune moment, my nephew shouts", Out of the way #sshole,out of the way.
My sister was not pleased.

[hoops]

MY dad likes to talk about things such as abortion, substance abusers and other people that can burn in hell. and not only does he talk about these subjects often he listens to them LOUDLY on the fox news network and on EWTN "The Erternal Word Network" better known as the catholic channel. so one this winter day my sis takes the boys out sledding they are having a glorios time as they've never been sledding before and with all the excitement he could muster, the 4 year old cried out at the top of his lungs as he is flying down the hill ABORTIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

My sister takes him aside and talks this over with him calmly and how this is not a word to be used thusly. well the next trip down thehill he's ready to go and promising mom he's not gonna use any inapropriate words but in all his glee as he is flying at the spead of snow he yells out ALCHOHOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

[ponytail]

If I had kids and were raising them Catholic, I'd tell them if they weren't good Mother Angelica (from EWTN) would come and get them. That is the scariest nun I've ever seen (and I was taught by the Sisters Of Saint Joseph in the 60s!):eek:

Actually, I wouldn't tell them that. That'd be mean. And since having that thought about Mother Angelica I suddenly feel inspired to be very, very nice for the rest of my life...shudder....

[Dee]

the 4 year old cried out at the top of his lungs as he is flying down the hill ABORTIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

LOL Thanks for the morning laugh, Hoops. I really really needed one today!

[hoops]

dee, glad to help ya anytime
pony tail, You;re right about Mother Angelica, something is just night kosher there...oh and the guy who does the "news" Raymond Arroyo...doesn't he look a lot like a depraved pee wee herman??? My sister said if she ever saw him on the street and she had her kids with her she would run screaming
peace Hoops

[SongDragon]

I love kids... Just don't make me babysit. My cousins always say great things.

Emmalin, the first time we went to England, had just turned four. We went to a place and were paying, and Aunt Liz had just barely enough, so she said sort of offhandedly, "I'm glad you're free Em." Emmalin stamped her foot and said, "I'm not free I'm four!"

I also love little kids, because it doesn't matter what you're doing, they'll watch you do it for hours. My cousin Kenzie loves being read to, and she was sent to get me off the couch and onto the porch so that I would be social. She just climbed to the top of the couch, turned the book towards her, pointed at a spot on the page, and said, "Read." I thought she would get bored, because I certainly did not know how much of it she would understand (she's four or five, depending if I'm thinking of her or her sister's birthday right now), but we stayed like that until it was bedtime and that served as her bedtime story. Even with me stumbling over long French and Roman names.

And every once in a while they say something profound. We went to the graveyard to plant flowers at "Grandpa's Garden". My sister, Ben, Charlie, and I were the only ones alive while he was still alive. Carol and I were the only Grandkids who knew him before he was confined to a bed. They started talking about what they were going to do when they went up to heaven with Grandpa, and the littlest says, "We're going to have a family reunion when we all get up there."

~Song

[ponytail]

dee, glad to help ya anytime
pony tail, You;re right about Mother Angelica, something is just night kosher there...oh and the guy who does the "news" Raymond Arroyo...doesn't he look a lot like a depraved pee wee herman??? My sister said if she ever saw him on the street and she had her kids with her she would run screaming
peace Hoops

A depraved Pee Wee Herman! I love it! :D Thanks, Hoops, that made my day!

I'm glad somebody agrees with me about Mother Angelica. Brrrrrrrr, she gives me the willies.:eek: