back to work

[hoops]

as you may know by now i have gone back to work about 4 months ago after not working for 7 years due to my illness. It isn't the career of my dreams or what i intend to do dfor the rest of my life but i like my job and i think am doing ok with it. I work in medical records at a woodstock dr's office. htere are 6 practitioners, 5 nurses and about 10 other staff memebers. I see patients in passing while i'm picking up or dropping off charts for EVERYONE else who works there, but i don't know them to match their names with thier faces. I do thought, know their names very well and i know a lot of what is going on with each one medically, ( i'd have to work with my eyes closed not to )... just a little side note... on some of the lab notes there is a section called "gross discription" and belive me it can be rather gross lol... so back to what i was saying. I don't answer phones or talk to patients direstly unless it is a hello as we pass so maybe i tought is was a "safe" job for me to start with being no real personal connection as i am greatly affected by people and thier needs and thier situations and since my mom just passed away one year ago on the 8th of this month. I was wrong, and i am reminded often just how wrong i was because i will see a file come across my desk, or hear others talking on the phone, or hear the dr's discussing a certain patient and will come to understand that this patien or theses patients or dying or have passed away. it makes me cry every time, it brings up a lot of things inside of me. why do i bring this up, i don't know...maybe it's because i went to the basement the other day to find an old chart in a patient who hadn't been to the office in more than five years and was now coming back in and right next to this chart was my mother's. I wanted to open it up and look inside, but i knew i didn;t have the time and i really didn't want to on the other hand... it was think and disordered, i know these charts well, they are the ones of patients who either visit the office or ar visited by our dr's ot least once a week. They are the folders of people who are taking every step to try to find a way thru their illness while knowing it will lead to the end. well i had no one to tell this to, and i had to get it out. i thank you for listening. I like my job and i'll be there for a while i know i will. no matter how hard you try the world finds you in one way or another. I've spent years in psych hopitals and belive me they are no picnic, none of the ones i've been to any way. i've gone 8 whole months without being allowed to go outside at all and being watched quite honestly 24 hours a day. from what i've seen, prisoners have more rights but i don't begrudge it i made it thru. they were trying to shelter me from the world at that time, but you just don't get away. the world is everywhere in strange and unusual places and in strange and unusual ways.

[Cardiffgal]

Thanks hoops. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on work and life as it can sometimes thunder by.

We had a party today at our house for our friend who was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year.

We just thought we better not wait until she was gone to let her know she is loved and cared for and respected by many.

These issues can bring out interesting sides of all of us. This is my favorite part of what you wrote

"the world is everywhere in strange and unusual places and in strange and unusual ways." Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

[Irish Beth]

I'm so proud of you for going back to work and I know some days it is a real effort just to get out of bed, but you are doing it and I hope you are proud of yourself.

I can't wait to see you at the Jan-nic. You WILL NOT be sleeping in your car and you will have TONS of food, fun, and friends. Just get yourself here and we will all take care of the rest.

IB

[david uk]

That's inspiring Hoops- what a long way you've come. Seeing your mother's file must have been a shockto you but you didn't fall apart.

Just think of the fact that, in some small way you are helping the doctors who are trying to help their patients get better.

And as trite as it may sound- you smile and say hello to the patients- I'm dure that makes a diference, albeit tiny, to the way they feel at that moment.

I've shared my feelings here too on many occasions, and it is, as you know, a safe a supportive place to do so.

Hugs to you Noel

david

[hoops]

thank you all for being here i truly love you

[ponytail]

Your post actually really helped me, Hoops. I haven't had a fulltime job in years; my last one landed me in a psych ward. I have chronic major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other psychological problems because of being abused by my mom as a kid. I loved her nonetheless, and cared for her during her final illness. Her death devastated me (resulting in another hospitalization). I lost a long-term part-time teaching job because of this. It's very inspiring to hear that you have the courage to go back to work after all you've been through. I'm not ready to try having a "normal" job again -- my wonderful partner's support has allowed me to limit my work to writing and singing jobs for now -- but your post gives me hope. Thank you. I hope (and am confident) that you will find much fulfillment in your new job. Hugs and prayers to you! :)

[RedjackRyan]

you go Hoops! I too am very proud of you dearheart! You've come a long way and I have no doubt that you'll continue to soar!

Looking forward to spending some more time with you in August!

[Dee]

Way to go Hoops! Glad you said you like your job, because really, that is a big factor. Keep up the good progress!

[snakegrl]

You go girl, with your job and with life. The latter can be pretty amazing and beautiful sometimes.:)

[gisli]

Thanks for sharing, good to hear how devoted you are to make things work for you. Respect yourself you are one of a kind.

[diver_boy]

noel, you have come such a long way, i'm proud of you! can't wait to see you in pittsburgh either. (just make sure to get there, and dont get lost, like me!)

Chris