What would you do?

[KarenSews2]

Help! My daughter's best friend is getting married the end of July, and Bailey is her only attendant. Since Bailey is extremely busy this summer and lacking funds, I will be having a shower for the bride-to-be. This is a girl who sometimes calls Ned and me "Mom and Dad," and her parents (friends of ours) are unable to help with the cost of the wedding. Keira and Eric are hosting their wedding themselves, and are keeping it small and rather low-key.

Last night I brought up the subject of the shower to her mom, and mentioned that only people invited to attend the wedding should be invited to the shower. I think inviting someone to a shower but not the wedding is very tacky. Her mom said that although the wedding is almost all family, the newlyweds will have a party a couple of weeks later with their friends to celebrate the wedding. (the party will be BYOB and a pitch-in) She seems to think that it would be OK to invite people who are not being invited to the wedding.

I will have a limit on the number of people she invites to the shower, and maybe the wedding invitees will fill the guest list.

On the other hand, maybe the younger women would not mind the infraction of the rules of etiquette. Am I being old-fashioned?? I would not appreciate being invited to a shower but not to the wedding, unless the wedding were being held someplace far away.

[Dee]

My only suggestion Karen would be that if you are doing this on your daughter's behalf that you let her decide the matter. That might be the path to the least friction for all involved.

[Cardiffgal]

Sounds like these kids can use all the help they can get. Dee's suggestion is a good one. Let the bride to be decide.

Good luck Karen.

[DaveM]

Since surviving my sister's wedding (a "quiet little ceremony" that turned out to involve eight attendants, the rental of two halls, a Civil War Reenactment group, and I forget what all), my advice to anyone who has been threatened with a wedding is as follows:

Write to Dear Abby. Then plan a long vacation which will end some time after it is all over.

[Dee]

Actually I meant Karen's daughter, Cardiff, because it sounded like this was to be a surprise for the bride. Maybe I misunderstood.

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Karen, Karen, Karen...

Being the old fart that I may be I can only say that the the decision should indeed be made by the bride to be as to whom attends the shower... The youth today have a different set of rules then we lived by I think and you know in a lot of ways thats a good thing...I see much of the older ettiquet (sp?) to have led us to a trend of what is now politically correct and not... Yet now, unlike the 1950's & 60's people often have to work harder and even more jobs to afford the things we considered basic. LOL, funny that I should have imput on this topic but I do... The Wedding day should be special for the newly weds and family but all to often such events are over driven by family to try to bring the event up to the standards of what the fathers or mothers would have liked their own wedding to be though often fell short of because of interference by their own parents...

My advice is offer suggestions and help where you can... Send Ned out for a cold beer to get him out of the way;) Tell him I'll meet him.... But by all means don't let the idea of the event drive it into a frenzy beyond what is desired... All that does is drive the budget up and create stress for all involved.....

Now of course had you asked an easy question like what to get the newly-weds for a wedding gift I could have answered that easilly.... Buy them a tank of gas to use when they elope.....:eek:

Hope to see you guys again soon...

Best wishes to all...

R. from Pa.....

Ps.... If you see Redjack would you do me a favor and kick him a couple times in the gro....awwww never mind....

[mixtymotions]

This makes me think of the dozens of baby showers I've been invited to, yet never once received an invitation to the birth! :rolleyes:

I've been invited to wedding receptions without being invited to the actual wedding, knowing in advance that the ceremony would include a very small number of people. I happily attended the receptions with a gift for the newlyweds. Since the family is planning a byob and covered dish gathering a couple of weeks later, perhaps a shower isn't neccessary as people will be bringing gifts then.

Sounds like anyone who knows this family is already aware that they struggle financially and would probably delight in helping the happy couple off to a good start.

And ... who really wants to put on pantyhose in July to attend a wedding? :p

[hoops]

Karen,
I'm saying this to you because i love you... you are fronting the party you decide who comes and who doesn't in the end...BUT since it is going to be a small wedding and it SEEMS to me as tho the newly-weds are in need maybe considering inviting people who will not( only because the family cannot afford it ) be attending the wedding will help all involved feel more involved in starting the new life of the happy couple. For myself, i don't care which or who or what i'm invited too, i'm still gonna be happy and if i can i'll give them a gift. it seems to me that all the staunch propriety of the wedding thing and all it involves only leads to hurt feelings and a lot of wasted angst. I've never been married but have been to one heck of a lot of weddings and showers and i've always routed for the ones wearing the funny suits and dresses.
peace
Hoops

[GodSistah]

I have to be a "best woman" in October for my best friend! We decided to do away with the "maid" title! Sometimes I'm refered to as co-star or supporting acctress. When I asked what the other chicks were going to be called, I was told, "under-studies". That made me extremely happy, of course! :)

My advice would be like the others, let the bride decide...it's her big day!

~Andrea~

[KarenSews2]

I spoke to Keira today, and suggested she ask a couple of her close friends how they felt about it, and go from there.

Now...anyone have any good shower games? Personally, I hate them, but they do seem to be expected. We will do one that people will think is a race. 2 teams have identical bags of misc. "stuff." The first person alternates passing things over her head then between her legs to the person behind her. The 2nd person passes the objects the opposite way, and so on. People think it's a race to see which team finishes first, but when they finish, everyone has to sit down and write a list of the things they passed!

Thanks for the input! You guys are the best!

[AceOn6]

I'm doing the shower for my niece who will be married in September. We're inviting some folks who won't be invited to the wedding. Not too many, mostly extended family and some of her parents neighbors.

Games depends on the ages involved. MadLibs is still fun and helps people meet when you have a mixed group. We've had a blast with "some assembly required" which has the guests putting some of the gifts together. At a recent family shower, we had about 20 elder ladies in stitches trying to assemble a clothes rack.

[hoops]

shower games??? i thought this was a family site...LOL

[KarenSews2]

ROFL! Don't go there!! :eek: