I'd love some input on something

[Dar]

I received a form letter today from my cousin's son. He's a freshman in high school and is soliciting funds to help sponsor him on a missionary type trip to Mexico with Amor Ministries to help build a home for a family in need.

My family knows me as a soft touch when it comes to giving money for the kids involvements, so even though I haven't seen this boy since he was about three, the letter is not really a surprise.

So my first thought is, sure I'll send the kid some money. It'll be a good experience for him. Get him out of his suburban middle class experience and let him get his hands dirty and see a little bit more of the world.
But there's that little back of my mind that wonders if this Christian Ministry organizaton had any involvement with anti same sex marriage movements or any anti gay propaganda. I know that this boy is being raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin. By sending him money am I encouraging that or will receiving money from his lesbian 'cousin' and her wife maybe lead him to second thoughts about the teachings?

Whadya think?

[KarenSews2]

Hmmmm. Is there any way you can check out the church to see their background?

I guess it comes down to whether you "support the boy," or "support the church." If the church is one of "those," I'd have a hard time supporting that.

There's my $.02.

I'll see you NEXT WEEEEEEEEK!!! :)

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Hiya Dar....

Soooo you haven't heard from him in all this time until he's soliciting funds??? Perhaps he should be better establishing his own family values.... As this olde farte sees it... The kid does not or will not see this as a political action wether you send him cash or not.... He (like so many of us as kids just wants to travel regardless of your or anybody elses politics) I would say rather then sending him cash send him a note inviting him to visit you and get to meet his family....Should you decide to send him cash then do so as a gift and don't predicate it to wether or not a sponsor might consider your relationship to be a sin.... The best lesson as I see it for your cousin's son has nothing to do with building houses in Mexico, nothing to do with fund raising for travel or supporting the given teachings of some off the wall religious organization... The best lesson here is to offer him the opportunity to meet members of his own family.... :eek: Sometimes it's true that charity does really begin at home.... His helping a Mexican family build a home is a good thing but I'd bet it would be far better for his to better understand for both himself as well as you as family... The beginning of a lifelong memory for all involved... Then maybe when people try teaching him about what sin is he might know the truth, not just the off the wall beliefs of those that would judge others because they are not the same...

Best to you and yours Dar
R & B


PS... Take care of the SAXMAN when he comes out for the concert...

[Dee]

It sounds like you don't even know this kid Dar so I would just ignore it rather than open any cans of worms with your relatives and let the other “soft touches” finance his trip. But then, I hold the view that just because someone is related to me does not automatically make them “family” in any way by my definition.

[Oak Kitten]

Hi Dar,

I am a huge fan of Judith Martin (Miss Manners) and this sounds like the type of situation to which she would respond that you should feel no obligation to respond to solicitations from a relative whom you barely know. I find it especially cheeky that the boy's parents would allow him to solicit you given that they are teaching him that the way you live your life is an abomination. Reminds me of a story about thirty pieces of silver. . .

Oak

[dragonlady]

I believe that Dr. Oak had several very good points that I will not repeat except to say I agree with every word! And a strong second from changeling in the background.

-di and kat

[hoops]

I sent a note to my sister asking for funds for AIDS relief, she asked me for information. I sent it to her and she made her choice. ask for information, then decide.
peace
hoops

[Dar]

Thanks so much! I knew I could get some great feedback.
You know I just got a call from my brother who got the same letter.
This cousin of ours lives in Arizona now, her brother also of course our cousin still lives in the Chicago area and he and my brother are very close.

Apparently both the guys are really angry about getting this letter and neither of them intends to send any money. So I think I'm going to follow suit.

[JudyR]

I learned from Janis not to trust any charity organization until I've really checked them out. Here the site I use:
http://www.charitynavigator.org/
I don't care who asks me - I want to make sure that
a) my money goes where they say it'll go. Not 50% of it going to "developmental expenses" and board meetings in Puerto Rico!
b) their expenses aren't really high. That's what I admire about the Pearl Foundation.
Dar, all I have to say is, family or no family, check them out.

[dreamchaser728]

I avoided the Boy Scouts yesterday when they asked me to buy popcorn. I won't support them until they accept everyone into the organization.

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Dear Dar....As it has come to my attention that you have recently reached a decision which has freed up a certain amount of your valuled capital for the purpose of charitable Donations allow me to bring to your attention this very genuine charity which of course I endorse whole heartedly.... The Charilty name is "OH Gawd, Randy is off to the casino again...." Now I mean what better cause could one be motivated to donate to.... I mean Dar, your cousin is just going to Mexico to help in the building of a house.... My purpose ongoing seems of late to be contributing to the building of a brand new wing for our casino.... Now what more could one ask for....:rolleyes:

As was sent often in my letters back in the days of my youth when writing home return these all so popular and favored words which I sent out oh so often.... "SEND MONEY!!!!" You know if you do send money you will be just like family:)


Just Send all contributions to this address:

THE PEARL FOUNDATION
1222 16TH AVE. SOUTH.
3RD FLOOR
NASHVILLE, TN.

37212

:eek:

[DaveM]

I've got a bit of a vent, which may or may not have anything to do with your dilemma, Dar. If not, do feel free to ignore me.

We all know that young people like to travel to foreign countries, and travel with a church group is often an inexpensive way of doing, and usually one of the safest besides. It does bug me when the groups providing such opportunities to young people get pretentious about it, however. Ok, they are building a house. Is there no one in the United States who does not need a house? Hell, our government cannot even mass-produce basic trailers for people. But hands with tools can and will, whether they are assembled by a church group or the ladies sewing circle and terrorism society. To my mind we are already more than doing our bit for Mexico by sending them a significant portion of our manufacturing sector. Charity can begin at home, even though it may not be as exotic for the volunteers.

But that is beside the point. Perhaps the point is that the boy is being misled and is being encouraged to fundraise for people who are using him. He doesn't realize it--he is getting a semi-fun and cheap trip and the larger implications aren't going to be on his mind. I recall some years ago when my brother and his wife went to Mexico for the first time and came back with a load of gifts purchased from "charity groups" which were supposedly made by children who live on the Mexico City dump. Some enterprising gringo was paying the "dump children" a pittance for picture frames and similar items made of pulped paper from the dump (and mixed with who knows what....one whiff of the frames I got on a humid day and they were out of here), then selling them to tourists and making a fortune. The children of course are still living on the dump. My brother didn't realize this at the time. But he learned. And your nephew needs to learn, though it will be a hard lesson.

I would send a polite letter explaining how you feel and why. I would not send a penny. This will not make people happy. Indeed, it may lead to comments along the lines of "see how 'those people' act?" But it seems to me that you have been the black sheep all along and as a rule in family situations nothing can change that. You might want to explain that you prefer to spend your money at establishments which do not use phrases like "those people". The boy may learn. I would not expect much from his parents, but then....you never have, have you? You may want to tell them that when you are good enough to be considered a member of their family, you'll consider your money good enough for them as well.

I do not believe there is a cure for bigotry though there are several possible treatments. However, there is absolutely no reason to provide financial support to anyone who gives you the slightest doubt about doing so.