When someone dies...

[BGG]

I don't know where else to talk about this, I can't do it on Facebook because folks I work with will see it... If they were only smart enough to love Janis and her music they would see it here - but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

Got an email from a VP in NY today that one of our colleagues died of a massive heart attack yesterday. It's strange... I know the 'show' must go on, but I find myself frustrated that folks are mentioning it to each other [hey, did you hear about Jane, etc]... but no one is stopping to acknowledge it.

And yet... what do I expect? A moment of silence? Close shop for an afternoon? What do I expect? What 'should' I expect? I know this... she was a nice gal who I never met but was always nice to me on the phone, always pleasant, always helpful... I feel sad for her kids and grandkids.

Is it ok to grieve for someone you have never met?!?

Sorry - I don't know what else to say...

[marjan]

Of course it´s ok Michelle .. it´s only natural to grieve and nobody reacts the same. I think it has much to do with the physical and psychologal health stage you are in to yourself. Grieve and cry your heart out ..

[DaveM]

Ray Bradbury once suggested that one should have a good 20 minute cry every day....surely grief calls for more than that. Bradbury's advice for those who did not want anyone to see them was to do it in the shower. It could work.

[Dee]

I think it’s fine to grieve any death Michelle, whether or not you knew the person. It shows you are a person of empathy and compassion in a world that seems to be growing colder and angrier and more selfish by the day. As a matter of fact, I admire you for being able to do so. Death isn’t a topic many people are comfortable discussing, which is rather odd in a way because sooner or later it comes to everyone. It’s a perfectly natural part of life.

[Cardiffgal]

BGG

yes it is OK to grieve when someone dies whether you met them in person or not. Sounds to me as though you did KNOW HER.

Take the lead, send an email, suggest a time to reflect on who she was and what she meant to your company or ask people to share one story about her.

Take care and sorry you lost someone who has touched your life.

[Chet]

BGG

I agree with Cardiffgal - you don't have to meet someone physically to know them. It sounds like she touched your life. And if she touched yours, she probably touched other colleagues, too.

Since this is work related, I think you can post about this on Facebook. In fact, if there are other colleagues who are on FB who know her and about her passing, FB may actually be the place to say something, to hold a memorial of sorts, to honour her memory.

I actually came here to post another suggestion - maybe you can get from your HR department a contact for someone in her family for you to write to, maybe not now, but later. I think her family will appreciate hearing from her colleagues.

And now, "marrying" the two - maybe you can use FB to gather messages and print them out and send to her family later.

[Dar]

Hey Chelle,
I agree with what's been said. Just because you never actually MET her face to face, you absolutely knew her. It makes perfect sense to mourn her.

Heck, when PeteCC passed away, we all mourned him, even most of us who had not ever had the pleasure of meeting him or even hearing his voice.

When you connect with someone, you connect and if you learn that you will no longer have the opportunity to connect again, it is a cause for mourning.

I think Chet's suggestion about getting some contact info to send a card to the family is fabulous. That woman's family has no idea about your regard for her, I'm sure it would bring a little light into this sad time to know the people she touched.

Why not Facebook? I know you'll be respectful and not all of your coworkers may have gotten word.

Hugs to you and Peanut my friend.

Dar

[BGG]

Thanks, guys...

I guess it was a silly question - wondering whether to grieve for someone you've never met. I have not met a lot of Rudies, but [as Dar said] I grieve when we lose one (still light a candle for PeteCC on holidays)...

I will post a note at work tomorrow that we do something - anything - to honor Jane... I don't know what that is yet, but we can't just let her pass with a simple email from management. It just doesn't seem right.

Chet - I think you're right. I reckon her family 'would' be touched by knowing how she touched other lives - even by a phone call here and there in the course of doing her job. I will get their contact info and send a card to let them know...

Life is so short... I hate it when I get these reminders of that fact.

[Kathleen Brogan]

It's kind of like what Janis said on the "Song to Soul", Society's Child segment. He said she felt it strange that "People could hate me who haven't even met me"...well many of us loved her before we even met her!

Feel any way you want to, BGG

Kathleen

[hoops]

Penguin,
you have such a big, kind heart. I'm sorry you lost someone who made a psitive effect in your life. grieve the way tha works for you. Your co workers may not be able to reach "that place" at work. who knows what they are able to do. If you ask, they may do more than you expect, they may do less. whatever, you can't change them. Be you, it's a great person to be
peace
hoops

[dragonlady]

Just wanted to say I agree with everything I've read here...I believe it's always a good thing to feel and express human emotions...especially the positive ones.

-di

[DaveM]

Any man's death dimishes me
Because I am involved in Mankind
And therefore send not to ask
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for Thee.

--John Donne (from memory)

[Beth]

It says a lot about us as a people that the show must go on...

You are a glimmer of sanity in that place.

[DaveM]

In matters of the heart, how can one go wrong by following one's heart?

[Eva]

You are all good people.

On my last job a collegue (who I never liked and then I knew exactly why) told her co-workers through a walkie-talkie when one of the volunteers had died. Walkie talkies with open channels... As if it was some casual message like "I'm having an early lunch. Can you replace me on this ship for half an hour?". Or whatever. I went over to her and told her that I found that kind of respectless or at least 'not done'. She had no idea what I was talking about. How can anyone be that thick?

In the 9 years that I worked there several voluonteers had died. Some because they were old, others because they were ill. And a young man who I worked with who died in an accident. He went on a night out to celebrate the fact that he had overcome his depression. At night it was slippery on the wooden planck that lead to his ship. He fell from the planck, hit his head on the kay and fell in the water unconcious. Then the water rose and he drowned. It was incredibly sad.

I went to his funeral with some other collegues and his family appreciated it. Another voluonteer died because he was old and had a bad health. He was the skipper of one of the ships. All the other skippers blew their horns when his ashes were carried to his ship by his son. Collegues and voluonteers were standing next to the ship to give him a last salute. He had told his sons he had wanted it like this. It was beautiful.

Another young voluonteer died of a heart attack. He was one of the skippers who I used to work with a lot. I stayed in contact with his wife for a while. And she appreciated it that the museum had done that effort.

These are some examples. I have noticed family always appreciates it when a collegue does an effort. Even when they didn't know the deceised one that well. It is at the least, a sign of respect. Mourn all you want and I think it's a very good idea to give the family a call or to send them a card.

Big hug Penguin.

Eva

[Rickster]

'Chelle, I agree with everything i have read here. It shows that you are a very compassionate person even though you never met this person face to face.
I don't think that it's ludicras that you feel like you have to mourn. Very normal.

Hugs to you ;)