Order in the court! (jokes)

[Dee]

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


* * *


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?


* * *

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


* * *

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

[hoops]

hahahahahahaha too funny

[sister rose]

lol! I somehow overlooked this thread! Too funny!

[DaveM]

True story from some years ago:

An attorney in my former home town had been retained by a woman whose husband was attempting to duck out of paying child support. Said attorney had one of the most versatile vocabularies of anyone I have ever met and absolutely no hesitation about using it.

So, when the husband showed up in court with a high-priced attorney who specialized in helping deadbeat fathers, this guy met him blow for blow. What would in most such cases have been a 15 minute hearing went on for well over three hours with no end in sight. The woman's attorney finally stood up and said:

"Your Honor, I am on the verge of conceding. It is a matter of record that one cannot get blood out of a turnip..."

He looked the defendant straight in the eye, and finished up: "....and you sir, I submit, are a turnip!"

[Dee]

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[Eva]

Oh, I remember more of those! We once had this thread before. And thery were really funny. If I remember well something like...

Q: So you claim this person was already dead when you did an autopsy on him?
A: Yes
Q: Did you check his pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you check his breathing?
A: No
Q: Then how do you know he was dead?
A: I had his brains in a glass jar on my desk...

And there was another one that made me laugh for about 20 minutes. Maybe it will come up. Dee, I'm sure you have all of them somewhere...

Eva

[Dee]

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

In a courtroom, a pursesnatcher is on trial and the victim is stating what happened. She says, "Yes, that is him. I saw him clear as day. I'd remember his face anywhere." At which point, the defendant bursts out, "You couldn't see my face, lady. I was wearing a mask!"

[Eva]

There was also one in wich someone replied something like "And you made it through lawschool!?" when the attourney asked questions like we can see here. That one also made me laugh for about 10 minutes.

Eva