Joke Thread: Geography of a Woman/Man...

[Mary6906]

Geography Of A Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with
fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Canada, moderately
developed and open to trade, especially for someone
with a lot of cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France, gently aging;
but still warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with
a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia,
lost some wars, won some great battles but haunted by
pastmistakes, still very strong and proud.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very
wide and borders are now largely unpatrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Off the beaten path,
with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...still
desirable but only those with an adventurous spirit
and a thirst for spiritual knowledge and true love dare visit there.


Geography Of A Man

Between 1 and 88, a man is like America, ruled by a dick!!!!

[hoops]

hahahahahahhahahahahah good one mary!
peace
hoops

[Mary6906]

Think about it.....

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

[Dee]

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k267/deemark/Emoticons/laughing.jpg Yer a cracker Mary.

[aabram]

These are great fun, Mary. Now haven't I heard the first one somewhere before? Oh well, thanks for reminding us... :rolleyes:

Annabel

[gisli]

:D :D :D :D Yes Mary6906 have a heart and give us another

[hoops]

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA not my stomach! lmaoooooooooooooohahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
peace
hoops

[Sara]

Think about it.....

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

So that's what they mean by "rule of thumb" . . .

(Which kind of relates to your previous post regarding America's present dick in the White House.)

You did it again, Mary! ;)

[Eva]

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA not my stomach! lmaoooooooooooooohahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
peace
hoops
You're baaaaaaaad! I like you for that :D

Eva

[Dee]

Okay, but how long does it take for food to get from a plate to the mouth of a Rudie? :p

[Eva]

Okay, but how long does it take for food to get from a plate to the mouth of a Rudie? :p
Plate? :confused:

Eva

[DaveM]

Dang....I've had girlfriends like all of these except the last!

And what can I add but....I think the "rule of thumb" is way too generous.

[Mary6906]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD -40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape..

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[hoops]

mary, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! how did i know that time, not to drink?
peace
hoops

[Mary6906]

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies

I stopped. Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?
Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

[hoops]

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

hehehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehehehehe
peace
hoops

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Think about it.....


The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

Good God... I have substandard thumbs.....:eek: Oh well, no big thing...

Best to all

R

[DaveM]

My thumb is too big.

Never mind.