Rudie Vibes: Can't see 'em but I'll feel them!

[BGG]

Hey Team Rudie:

I know I don't say much on the board much these days, but I'm always here... checking in every few days - laughing at the goings-on, quietly sending vibes when needed or just chuckling at the ubiquituous Rudie Humor.

My Mother is now in need of some serious vibes...

I've just booked a last minute flight to FL to see my Mom. Most of you know she had a major stroke 2.5 years ago and has been half paralyzed in a nursing home ever since. Well... she has just suffered another massive stroke, this time on the 'other' side of her brain. She is currently semi-comatose and unable to communicate. She is completey paralyzed. Her eyes react to light, but can't follow someone waving their hand in front of her. She can't talk. She's breathing on her own and makes noises, but that's about it. She is also having a series of mini-strokes now (aftershocks, so to speak) and, because of the already weakened condition of her brain, any one of them could kill her.

Here's my thinking, please don't think less of me for having these thoughts, as I know my Mom feels the same way.

God: Please... either leave this wonderful woman alone or let her go! Please do not torture the most active woman I know by trapping her for years in a body that will not comply. She's ready to come home... we are ready to let her go if you are ready to take her. It hurts too much to see her suffer like this: too sick to live, too healthy to die.

So Rudies... I leave for the airport in an hour. I will not have access to email or the web while I'm gone... but if you send Rudie Vibes, we will feel them. And we need them.

Thanks,
BGG and The Peanut

[RedjackRyan]

'Chelle you have my love and prayers. We'll be thinking of you.

[BGG]

Thanks Ben - even knowing one Rudie is sending prayers will help.
I'm signing off now... I'll be back on Saturday.
Please... pray, send vibes and happy thoughts... we'll get them, I'm sure of it.

BGG

[Chet]

Strong vibes coming your way from Malaysia.

[KarenSews2]

All good thoughts, prayers and Rudie vibes coming your way.

Best to you 'Chelle, your Peanut, and your family.
Karen

[Rickster]

'Chelle,You know we are here for you! Sending major vibes to You! Please let us know how things are going. Hugs!

[MARILYN/GEMINI]

Thinking of you and your mom....BGG .......and wishing you two the best..

[Amy in Vermont]

Hey Team Rudie:

...please don't think less of me for having these thoughts, as I know my Mom feels the same way.



'Chele, I personally think more of you, not less, for being brave enough say this. I hope someone has the same courage for me when my time comes.

Prayers of peace winging your way from Vermont.

Amy

[Bat]

All the best wishes and strong vibes I can muster are headed your way, Chelle! Be sure and talk to your mom...she may be able to hear and understand you even though she can't respond, and let her know that whatever she chooses to do is ok, keep saying you love her and want her to be comfortable...just all the things you would want to hear if you were in her situation. This part of life is so damned hard on everyone concerned, but we all have to go through it, and my heart is with you.
Hugs and much love,
Bat

[Agnes]

I'll add mine to the choir. Take care, Michelle!

[Dee]

Michelle,

I understand that prayer completely!

Prayers for strength, and a big hug from Canada,

Dee

[Oak Kitten]

Michelle,

I know how you feel. Went through the same thing with my Mom, and it was awful. I am sending vibes your way.

Oak

[hoops]

Michelle,
you have my thoughts prayers and rudie vibes coming your way for you, your mom and your family. there is no right or wrong, best or worst prayer. i admire your trust.
peace
hoops

[SongDragon]

BGG, you have my thoughts and prayers.

~SongDragon

[Roady]

BGG, you and your Mom are in my thougts and prayers. Whatever decisions you make will be the right ones.
Roady

[Eva]

No, I don't think less of you for having these thoughts. I can understand it completely. It must be so hard. I send you a lot of Rudievibes. Take care, Michelle.

Eva

[Ginny]

Michelle, I will be in prayer for your Mom, you, and your family. Safe traveling.

[gisli]

You have them from here, take care.

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Michelle.... Add our prayers and vibes for your Mom and family to the others aimed in your direction....

Hope to see you in St. Louis in June...

Best

R. from pa

[Elliott]

Rudie vibes are on the way to you from Houston at light speed.... Praying for the best for you and your mom. Love, E

[Agnes]

'Chelle, please give us an update when you get back. Meanwhile I'll continue my prayers for you and Mum.

[BGG]

Hey Gang:

First off - THANK YOU for sending all that you have... my mother sure can use every last vibe and well-wish she can get.

Mom is lucid about 10-15% of the time. The other 85-90% of her time is spent staring blankly into space or sleeping.

More after-stroke facts:
In her lucid moments she knows she had another stroke
She knows she has 4 daughters
She does not know she has two sons
She can recognize my sister-in-law, and knows she's married to my brother, but it doesn't register with her that he is her son.
She has some movement of her right hand - which unfortunately keeps trying to pull the IV out of the left hand
She can say random words which sometimes make sense and sometimes do not. Mostly not.
She is catheterized - probably for the rest of her life

She seems to focus on one small thing (like the penguin on my t-shirt).
When she's 'with it' she gets extremely frustrated that she can't get the words out... sometimes she seems to know what she wants to say but it can't get from her brain to her mouth.

I bought some flash cards at a local book store and have been trying to get her to engage her brain a bit. She did manage to say 'ball', 'red', and 'triangle'.

At one point during the week - in the most shocking clarity of the whole week... she grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and said 'Michelle, I'm frightened'... (I honestly think she's more frightened of living like this than of dying)

I almost lost it right then and there. But I didn't - I held it together so she would see me cry. But now that I'm home, well... it's like they taught us in EMT school... 'Take care of the patient now, become an emotional basket case later' - and that's where I'm at today. I'm home (for now)... trying to work... but just feeling like melting into a puddle.

My original prayer to God stands...

And thank you all again for being here. You are my family. And I love you all.
BGG

p.s. on a more positive note, The Peanut has agreed to marry me. :)

[Agnes]

Thank you for keeping us up to date, Michelle. I feel for you to see your Mum like this. I wish you strength to endure and hope that you don't need to keep up appearances for long. Please know that you and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers (and they be stubborn and continuous! That guy upstairs ain't getting off the hook easily with this).

And congratulations on the brighter note! :D That's lovely news!

hug,
Agnes

[Dee]

Thanks for filling us in, Michelle.

And conratulations to you and Rachel!

[Eva]

Oh my, Michelle. That must be so hard. You are doing the best for her you can do. Take care!

Eva

[hoops]

Michelle, prayers continue daily. get a good cry when you can.
congratulations on your engagement!!!
peace
Noel

[Bat]

Great news about the Peanut/'Chelle nuptual announcement! Congrats!

I do hope your Mom will have longer periods of lucidity as time goes on. Does she know and love Peanut, too? Wishing you the absolute best on both fronts!

[marjan]

Rudie vibes are strong, I will keep your mom in my prayers Michelle and congratulations to you and Rachel

[Dar]

I'm so sorry your Mom is going through this, but happy for her that you could get there and that she knew you were there.

I completely understand your prayer and would have the same one for either of my parents if the situation matched.

Congrats on the upcoming nuptial! about time you made an honest woman out of her. ;)