Why English is so hard to learn!

[Elliott]

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

[Eva]

I think all the non-English Rudies are doing quite well though... :cool:

Eva

[Elliott]

Me too! I would love to learn another language or two; it's so hard.

[hoops]

I'm amazed at how well thee non-english speaking rudies do with our mess. wish i could do the same for them.
peace
hoops

[Bat]

No, no, Hoops....Eva said 'non-English' Rudies, not 'non-English-Speaking' Rudies...they speak English astonishingly well, even though they are not English, nor even American or Aussie!(Which is what you meant, I know...just joshing you a bit ;) )

It has always amazed me that their command of the language is such that one would not even know it was not their native tongue--at least in print-- if they hadn't told us, right down to great spelling, which is difficult enough for us! And their command of the idiomatic stuff is astounding! And the Dutch have the American accent down to a Tee, which, I suppose, is natural enough, since most of the people who settled on the northern east coast, especially New York, were Dutch if they weren't English.

Congratulations all you non-native-English-Speakers on this board! Well Done!:cool:
(I often wonder how anyone speaks Icelandic?!! Nice Going, Gisli! I can't even manage to read it and pronounce it in my head. :o )

[Wildflower Fever]

I like Obama's idea of making learning a second language mandatory in the U.S. Almost everyone I know abroad speaks two languages almost fluently, and sometimes a third. I took two years of Spanish, and I'm considering taking a night class to finally make myself fluent, as I would think the base I have would make it much easier. :)

[Eva]

No, no, Hoops....Eva said 'non-English' Rudies, not 'non-English-Speaking' Rudies...
Heheheh... :D You are completely right Bat. That is exactly what I said. Just teasing :D

Eva

[Dee]

Some examples of slaughtered English from Richard Lederer's books Anguished English (Wyrick & Company, 1987) and The Bride of Anguished English (St. Martin's Press, 2000).


ASTRONOMY


Comets...are thought to be ruminants from the beginning of the universe.
Headline: Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?


BIRDS

In 1957, Eugene O'Neill won a Pullet Surprise.
Each Thanksgiving it is a tradition in our family to shoot peasants.
News dispatch: The crime bill would reinstate the death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector.
Can anybody explain why Kiwi International Airlines is named after a bird that cannot fly?


BOTANY

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
I don't want to cast asparagus at my opponent!
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce.
Seen in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign outside a gift shop: Live Artificial Trees.


DISEASE AND MEDICINE

World War II ended on VD day.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
The patient experienced mood swings because she suffered from PBS.
A brand claim: Every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is personally tested.


FISH

A squid has ten to twelve testicles that hang down from its body.
Headline: Yellow Perch Decline to be Studied.


ARTHROPODS

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Seen in a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm; special shoppers' luncheon before 11 a.m.


GEOLOGY AND GEOGRAPHY

In the Olympic games the reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
Headline: Experts Increase Probability of a Big Quake in California


MAMMALS

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.
Queen Elizabeth's navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
A skunk was found wandering among the phews of a local church.
Lost: small apricot poodle; reward; neutered; like one of the family.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
The Civil War was started by John Brown, a rabbit abolitionist.
Headline: 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves.


PHYSICS AND CHEMISTRY

Vacuums are nothings; we only mention them to let them know that we know they are there.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin; oxygin is pure gin, hydrogin is gin and water.


WEATHER

Wind is like air, only pushier.
Seen on a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Headline: Typhoon Rips Cemetery, Hundreds Dead.


GENERAL

Rural life is lived mostly in the country.
Headline: Sterilization Solves Problems for Pets, Owners.
Many dead animals in the past changed into fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.

[hoops]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! BAHHHHHHHHHHHH HAAAAAAAA
PEACE
hoops

[Rkitko]

Some examples of slaughtered English from Richard Lederer's books Anguished English (Wyrick & Company, 1987) and The Bride of Anguished English (St. Martin's Press, 2000).

BOTANY

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
I don't want to cast asparagus at my opponent!
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce.
Seen in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign outside a gift shop: Live Artificial Trees.



I find these to be particularly humorous. Thanks for the chuckle.



FISH

A squid has ten to twelve testicles that hang down from its body.


Nitpicky, but squid are not fish! They're cephalopods, a class of molluscs.

[Elliott]

I don't care what you call them... they taste good. I have never met one I didn't like! :)

[Bat]

And it's really hard to find a good Cephalopod store these days...I get mine at the local Fish market.
They don't seem to mind much.

[hoops]

i forgot to thank you for correcting me bat. you knew what i meant.
peace
hoops

[Bat]

Of course I did, Hoops!...just joshing you a bit, ...gotta keep ya straight ahead...erm, make that 'gaily forward'.

[aabram]

I LOVE the mishaps.... and I'm sure our Rudies from the Continent are so good that they are not confused by these..... :eek:

Annabel

[Eva]

and I'm sure our Rudies from the Continent are so good that they are not confused by these.....
Of course we aren't confused by it! *tries to look smart*

Eva