Love Client Number Nine

[Gandalf]

This was, of course, inspired by Elliot Spitzer. It's cheesy, not to mention a cheap shot, but I couldn't resist.

(Apologies to Leiber and Stoller)

I took my troubles down to Madame Kris,
She's that singer with perfume on her wrist
She's got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine
Sellin' by the hour to Love Client Number Nine.

I told her that I was a flop with chics,
I've been this way since 1956.
She looked at my bank book, she made a secret sign
She said "What you'll be is Love Client Number Nine."

She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink.
She said "I'll let you do me bending over the sink."
She smelled like turpentine, or maybe Indian ink.

I paid in cash, I have no class, I need a drink.

I didn't know if it was day or night,
There were coppers everywhere in sight,
But 'cause I missed the fact that were tappin' my line,
I'll be forever known as Love Client Number Nine.

I paid in cash, I have no class, I need a drink.

I didn't know if it was day or night,
There were coppers everywhere in sight,
But 'cause I missed the fact that were tappin' my line,
I'll be forever known as Love Client Number Nine.

[DaveM]

It works for me....Janis, get the Wizard into the studio right away!

[Elliott]

I like it... it's clever. However, it just will never take the place in my heart of Page Nine.