Bars Are Overrated

[SongDragon]

Yeah, I finally went to one. Relax, I'm of age up here, and I also know my limits (one cooler and I'll be tipsy, so I'll stick to shot glasses of cooler content). Yes, I'm cheap, but shhh...

It was awkward. I'm not very good with crowds, especially if I don't have anyone I know. For about the first half hour I'd thought I'd been stood up, and the only other people I knew were trying to pick up dates of their own and I didn't want to get in their way or I didn't see them at first. Also the music is never to my taste.

I've had fun at dances with my friends, mostly because they're there, joking around with me, dancing with me, mostly trying to teach me to dance. They know the effects crowds of people or people I don't really know have on me, so they distract me.

They're all underage. But it's the last night before reading week vacation truly begins.

So I finally take a guy up on his offer and come out to the bar. Yeah, as I mentioned, he wasn't there for the first half hour. I finally found him by leaving, and found he had been outside smoking, so I joined him in the snow.

He set me up with a guy that happens to have the same name as my ex and doesn't speak English all that well. They're all nice, but I'm pretty sure they're all drunk/high/etc. Well, instead of staying with the guy I know I get led onto the dance floor by this stranger. I can't dance!

Is there any way to politely dismiss yourself from the dance floor after you've willingly been led there by a guy? Just the noise and the crowds and the lights were all making me a bit dazed and confused, and every muscle in my back and neck protested when I tensed up (I recently fell on some ice I was running across, also did my head some damage). And the way he kept pulling closer made me want to bolt.

I think I'll wait 'til people I know better will be there. At least I know all they hype of the bar isn't really worth it. Partying with friends is great, partying with strangers scares the bajeezers out of this little dragon.

I don't know, I just wish I could be as relaxed as everyone else out there, but really I just wanted to run and hide.

Ah well. I suppose it's one less distraction from my studies that way.

~SongDragon

[DaveM]

By strange coincidence, I also spent much of the evening at a bar. Some sober friends and I take in a late movie now and then and go for pizza afterwards--in small town Northern Minnesota, there are only a few places that serve pizza after around 10 p.m. and none of them sell food as their primary business.

But we have a grand old time watching the folks who are likely to be there until closing time....usually they're at the "clever" or "bulletproof" stage by the time we get there, so it makes for cheap entertainment. Not that any of us laugh at drunks, mind--we've all been there. But the reminder of who we don't want to be is mighty useful now and then. The nanny state folk in Minnesota banned all smoking in public places last July. Strangely, a couple of hours in a now smoke-free bar leads to one going home smelling of cigarettes. Amazing how that stuff hangs around.

Be of good cheer, Song....and do try to enjoy yourself. It really is ok to do that. Really.

[Eva]

Hey Song,


You are right. Bars are overrated. Then again... try not to think of it as a 'temple of pleasure' (and be disappointed when it's just some drunks getting together) but as a place to hang out with people you like (and if there aren't any there you like, bring your own) Besides, if the music and the crowd are not to your liking then this is not the place for you. Maybe you feel better at a place where it is all about dancing (loud music!) or at a place where goths, punks, hardrockers or other 'subcultures' meet. Maybe those people are more the crowd you feel good with? Or maybe you like the music better? And if you don't like being there at all then that's fine too. You don't have to like it because 'most' other people seem to. (and maybe they feel just as awkward as you do, by the way)

Oh about the dancing with that guy. 'No' is always a good answer if you don't want something. You changed your mind about dancing with him. So what? It is the most important thing I had to learn when I was growing up from teenager to adult: don't do anything you don't want to do. And don't think that if 'everybody else' does / likes something, you have to do / like the same. Take care sweety (god, I sound like a know-it-all older sister, don't I? :eek: Tell me if you want me to shut up please)

Eva

[aabram]

Welcome to Adulthood, Song..... :D Catherine turned 18 in December and she doesn't drink much either..... :)

Annabel

[gisli]

Bars Are Overrated ........well so not......if there is enough distilled water around and you drink or like drunk people.

PS.....and Eva....shut up......big sister.

[gisli]

.....and a dance pole........and a surden Rudie from The Netherlands......

PS...Ohhhh man maybe it is me who should shut up.......chocolate drinks anyone?????

[Oak Kitten]

Hey Song,

I can totally empathize with your situation. When I was a freshman, I kept hearing all the upper class students ask each other if they were going to "The Abbey" - usually Thursday through Saturday nights. At first I thought, since it was a Catholic women's college, that these must be a really devout bunch of gals, but it turned out that "The Abbey" was THE bar that everyone who was anyone went to hang out.

So eventually, my friends and I would make the sojourn to the Abbey on the weekends. I honestly cannot think of a single time I went that I could say I enjoyed it. The place was packed with people checking each other out, the music was too loud to hear yourself think, let alone carry on a conversation. My friends would invariably drink too much and get into a drunken funk or a histrionic state so I would have to herd them home - assuming that I did not also get drunk and histrionic. I still ask myself to this day, why on earth did I continue to go? To "fit in," I suppose. Was it worth it? No.

So if it doesn't float your boat, don't do it. Or, as you said, wait until you are with a group of friends with whom you feel secure, and see if the experience is any better. But don't feel that there is anything "wrong" with you if you don't like hanging out in bars. You are right. They ARE overrated.

Oak

[Wildflower Fever]

Noone should have to go out on the bar scene if they don't want to. That said, I enjoy mingling with the "animals" once in a while as I see it as one of the zests of life. Social interaction with people outside our comfort zone can help make us well-rounded human beings. I fear the youngest generation is so deeply immersed in technology that they may one day take robots as their closest companions. Many of the youth's engaged in school shootings displayed a lack of social skills and understanding, and never felt part of a larger social community and thus retaliated against it. One thing I can tell you though, is not to look for real relationships in the bar scene.

[lucille]

I just wish I could be as relaxed as everyone else out there

Song, they seem to be relaxed but more likely, they are pissed (drunk), so you wouldn't really want to be like them. I think you are very brave to go to a bar by yourself, even if to meet someone. I couldn't when I was younger, back in the middle of last century:D and still couldn't now.

I had the best time at a bar when I went with Kath and Luce in Fort Lauderdale. It was a bar for gay men, but many gay and straight women go too. I think you would probably enjoy something like that, and the guys are great dancers and would teach you how, and absolutely no threat.

Are you ever in touch with your ex.? That seems so long ago now, and lots of water under the bridge. (Except here of course where we are in the grips of a severe drought:D )

[Dee]

Song, they seem to be relaxed but more likely, they are pissed (drunk) . . . .

That would be my guess. I haven't been to a bar in years and years. I lost my appetite for that type of thing once I hit 30. Shouting over loud music is no longer my idea of socializing.

[DaveM]

I can recall spending a fair amount of time some ages ago sitting in a place called the Half Time Rec in St. Paul (I think). Traditional Irish bar--so authentic that there were a couple of good fights every night. But they had wonderful Irish bands--for a cover charge of $1 you could sit there all evening nursing a pint and hear some great music. But as you say, Dee, conversation was impossible due to the volume of the music.

A highlight of every evening at the Half Time Rec was that a shadowy figure would invariably slip past your table, and when you looked to see who it was, he'd vanished and there was an Irish Republican Army leaflet sitting on your table. I've often wondered what was being plotted out there in the shadows.

[Gandalf]

Eva said: "'No' is always a good answer if you don't want something. You changed your mind about dancing with him. So what? It is the most important thing I had to learn when I was growing up from teenager to adult: don't do anything you don't want to do. And don't think that if 'everybody else' does / likes something, you have to do / like the same."

I couldn't've said it better. But then, I'm an Old Geezer, so feel free to ignore my advice.

Gisli:
Yes, please, to the chocolate drink. (Or chocolate anything (within reason, no chocolate-covered bugs, for instance) for that matter.) Just how do we go about taking you up on that offer?

(Great. Now I've got "Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep" stuck in my head.)

[gisli]

Gisli:
Yes, please, to the chocolate drink. (Or chocolate anything (within reason, no chocolate-covered bugs, for instance) for that matter.) Just how do we go about taking you up on that offer?

(Great. Now I've got "Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep" stuck in my head.)



Ahhh but here you are my dear Gandalf.........Quark´s own recepie.

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg108/gisli01/QuarksDSC_0161_medium.jpg

Best I can do...with such short notice......guess we need a wizard to figure out the rest

[Wildflower Fever]

I can recall spending a fair amount of time some ages ago sitting in a place called the Half Time Rec in St. Paul (I think). Traditional Irish bar--so authentic that there were a couple of good fights every night. But they had wonderful Irish bands--for a cover charge of $1 you could sit there all evening nursing a pint and hear some great music. But as you say, Dee, conversation was impossible due to the volume of the music.

A highlight of every evening at the Half Time Rec was that a shadowy figure would invariably slip past your table, and when you looked to see who it was, he'd vanished and there was an Irish Republican Army leaflet sitting on your table. I've often wondered what was being plotted out there in the shadows.

You know what they say about the zig-zaggy nonsensical road layout in St. Paul, a bunch of drunken Irishmen were the planners (Wildflower Fever ducks to dodge the bullets!!!):D . As for bars, that is one great benefit when you have a thriving local music scene. You aren't going to be able to see small local bands in a basketball arena, so bars still serve that purpose. I'm not an excessive drinker, but my corner bar in Minneapolis plays jukebox music at conversational level, and with a very diverse and ecclectic mix. The bartender even allows regulars to bring their personal Ipods to share their mixes with everyone else over the sound system. Many of my friends are there, as are some recognizable friendly regulars. What I enjoy most is that across the bar you may see businessmen in suits sitting next to rastafarians and punk rockers with 15 piercings and 37 tattoos. That to me is the spice of life, and as age is only a number, I think that when I feel too old for this, I've finally allowed myself to become old.

[Eva]

Unfortunately that is not Quark though... :D What have you been drinking., Gisli?

Eva

PS: bars are not only overrated, but also overpriced...

[Bat]

You're right, Eva...that is not Quark, (Armin Shimerman), under all those ears...but it might be his no good brother, whatever his name was.

[Eva]

You're right, Eva...that is not Quark, (Armin Shimerman), under all those ears...but it might be his no good brother, whatever his name was.
No, it's not Rom either. Rom is actually a nice guy to be honest. This one looks a bit like the Grand Nagus. But it's not him. I bet it is the same actor though.

Eva

[Bat]

No, it's not Rom either. Rom is actually a nice guy to be honest. This one looks a bit like the Grand Nagus. But it's not him. I bet it is the same actor though.

Eva

Isn't it funny how you can tell who the actors are, even with all the makeup? I guess they leave the identifying features, whatever they are, so they all don't look like Quark, even though, superficially, they do.

[Eva]

Isn't it funny how you can tell who the actors are, even with all the makeup? I guess they leave the identifying features, whatever they are, so they all don't look like Quark, even though, superficially, they do.
Yes, usually eyes, mouth... And voice of course.
Although sometimes they play an entirely different species with way less or more make-up than their usual character. In that case it's harder to see.

Eva