so what do you do?

[hoops]

we all hear about living life to it's fullest, drinking in the very last drop of each moment. but do we really do it? do we live in the moment, do we go out and buy the things, enjoy the people, eat all the foods and do all the daring things we want to do? so someone tells you, let's say a fancy schmancy doc tells you you have 1 month to live, in on month there is an 80% chance that you will die, but there is a 20% chance you may survive and live many years to come. you can spend every cent you have ( cause you have just enough for the month after you are supposed to die ) you can live it up, go do all th crazy things you wanna do, have reckless physical relationships, fly around the country to you fav musicians shows and when it's over you have had a wonderful time but you are flat broke...is it worth it to elminate you future just to live in the now? I want to buy a motorcyle and ride it every day for the next 25 days, i want to fly to every janis show between here and february 4th. i want to find an amazing woman. i want to cliff dive in mexico and a heck of a lot more... for the next 25 days...what do i do?
peace
hoops

[DaveM]

I'm most definitely not an amazing woman (not really amazing at all, actually), but when you get that motorcycle, stop by here on the way to Mexico.

For that matter, I have two motorcycles, and will happily share. But it'll have to wait until the streets are free of ice....a few months down the line.

[mixtymotions]

Hoops, your question really hit a heart string. I don't follow every thread and I forget a lot of what I've read, but did you say you are facing surgery, possibly esophogial (I don't know how to spell it!) surgery? Did some fancy-schmancy surgeon tell you that your odds of surviving past the surgery are so low? I am sending you the biggest cyber hug in the history of cyber space. I wish I had some helpful advice, but all I can offer is "follow your heart". I've learned that no matter what unexpected expenses pop up, and no matter what occasional extravegant indulgences I've allowed myself, somehow, some way, the bills get paid. So sometimes they've been paid late...but they always get paid. Flat broke is a temporary condition that calls for some creative financial juggling is all. Maybe you can lease a motorcycle for a month to determine if you really want to own one? Flying to one Janis perfomance and truly being in THE moment would probably satisfy the urge to attend every concert between now and Feb. 4. and not leave you filled with guilt that you blew all your savings. Buying yourself all the things you ever wanted would eliminate the anticipation of getting something for yourself later, and anticipation is half the fun. Ditto for doing all the things you ever wanted to. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers (yes, Pagans pray too).

[RedjackRyan]

All i know is that come August I expect to be sitting with you having a damn good time, sharing horror stories of Lexa's driving!


You got the best support group in the world right here kiddo, there is nothing Rudie power cannot achieve and all my prayers, love, and well wishes are heading your way Noel.

[Dee]

someone tells you, let's say a fancy schmancy doc tells you you have 1 month to live, in on month there is an 80% chance that you will die, but there is a 20% chance you may survive and live many years to come. you can spend every cent you have ( cause you have just enough for the month after you are supposed to die ) you can live it up, go do all th crazy things you wanna do, have reckless physical relationships, fly around the country to you fav musicians shows and when it's over you have had a wonderful time but you are flat broke...is it worth it to elminate you future just to live in the now?

Hoops, I don't advocate going wild based on a doctor's prognosis. In my case I was told 19 years ago that I had probably six months to live. Doctors, I have learned, do not know everything. They are mere mortals like the rest of us.

So to answer your question, no I don't think it's wise to risk a difficult financial future just to live without delayed gratification today. I know of others who have done that and they all now wish they hadn't.

[Eva]

I don't know the answer to that question Hoops. But what the others before me have said sounds smart. I can only send you lots of hugs.

Eva

[gisli]

Well, being the one I am:confused: I can tell you: It´s all in the mind

You see that when young we discussed this a bit......when having to face death was so far away that it was not an option. We went through all kinds of what we would do and the answer involved all of this, traveling, crazying in every way...why not?

Well one question came up that kind of took all the fun of the discussion...

"Do we know anyone that has survived life?????":o

...........there was a long pause before one said: "When I get old I am gonna eat all the candy money can buy and I am never going to say no to my child if it asks for candy."
"Eooouughh", said another then. "Are you going to have a baby? Do you know that you have to kiss a girl to have a baby?"
We kind of all said eoooouuugh.......and after that the discussion kind of traveled into another direction.

Anyways......later on I learned and saw that when you get a sentance like that from your doctor....in most cases did the opposide to traveling and crazying.

Everybody around went like why dont you just travel and have fun and then came this simple question, why?

"Why????????

.......a long pause and then....

"Well you are dying?"

And in the same instanse you hear yourself say that you understand that you had not asked a question but answered one.

And you understand that whatever presents life gives you and puts on you....the only surden thing in life is this second, all the other seconds are a gift.....

And what am I gonna do with that gift you ask. And what a question that is, the answer varies, depending where one is in the life.....

[Bat]

Hoops, being a live-in-the-moment type of gal, I would spend the time looking for another set of doctors with a lot of experience in this sort of operation, and a lot better odds of survival.
I read about replacement of the esophagus with a length of intestine, either ileum, jejunum, or colon...here's one site I found on google while looking, and I'm sure you can find more. Go armed with all the info you can get, decide what type of treatment you want to try, with the best odds in your favor.
And plan to come through this with the best attitude in the world, and plan to live a long, long time!!
Here ya go: Google and learn!

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T11-3W4GSCK-11&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=cd8e59a638958b543b817759d3d4e5ae

[david uk]

noel I am sending you the biggest rudie vibes ever

((((hugs)))))

[Eva]

David's hugs are very nice, Hoops. I should take them if I were you... :)

Eva

[hoops]

thank you all
and bat, you and i must be of similar substance somewhere, connected in some way cause we very often seem to think alike. i thank you for the link and i have done tons and tons of research and talked to at least 15 doctors from the best in NY to his buddy in California to my home town surgeon, the one who brought me back from death and proceded to saved my life last may. the replacement surgery was considered for about 48 hours, after which the test showed my intestines were just slightly behind my esophagus in their weakness. they will last me a while but not worth putting in my chest... this surgery , taking out the esophagus' would happen one day in a about 5-8 years, if all went well 15,but last years illness took away that time and is truly the reason why this surgery is so dangerous, by itself i would have had a great outlook, but what happened to my body last year...well, it changed the course of my life. it's so much more than just getting nutrition, being able to eat solid food, it affects everything from the position i sleep in at night to the way i brush my teeth to my ability to work to my immune system. who'd have thought. I have every belief that i will not only survive, i will have a long happy life. still i am a reasonable person too and i know i must plan...in the planning, i have been carried to places i never thought i could go, i never wanted to go and i wish i could forget. with these threads that i start i'm just traveling thru the paths, discovering them and trying to become open to new fields of vision. i must admit, i am also psychologically hurting and i am doing what i know i need to do about that. i just want to thank you, all of you for allowing me to go thru this and being there for and with me. i don't know with certainty what will happen in the end, but i know that i will have more wisdom than i had before all of this...because of you my dear friends and that is a gift for which i can never be grateful enough. life holds many gifts, but none so encompassing as wisdom, because it is wisdom which gives us the choice to choose love. so i humbly thank you all and i hope for you for
peace
Noel

[Ginny]

Hoops, I still love your avatar...

((( Big Hug ))) :)

[hoops]

ginny, thank you so do i :)
peace
hoops

[DaveM]

There once lived a Master who could answer any question posed to him. People came to him to ask where something had been lost, what the future of a relationship might be, what was on the far side of the moon....anything at all. And always, he had the answer.

One day a mischievous little boy decided that he would fool the Master, becoming the first person ever to do so, and that in doing so, he would prove himself wiser than the Master. He would take a bird cupped between his hands and ask the Master what it was, which the Master would of course know. Then he would ask if the bird was alive or dead. And if the Master replied that it was alive, he would crush the bird between his hands and reveal it. If the Master replied that the bird was dead, he would open his hands and let it fly away.

So he captured a small bird and went to the Master with it held tightly between his hands.

"What do I have in my hands, Master?" he asked.

"A bird, of course," the Master replied without hesitation.

"And is the bird alive or dead?" The boy asked, starting to smile in the certainty that he had proven himself wiser than the Master.

The Master paused for a long moment, then he too smiled, a sad smile born of age and wisdom and knowledge of the human heart. And he replied:

"It is in your hands, my son".

[Bat]

Wow, Dave. Deep one. I know if Hoops' life is in her hands, she will choose to preserve it and fight like a banshee to continue it...she's about the bravest and guttiest little gal I know...tough, in the good sense of the word.
I just know she is going to come through this, she's going to make it, and make it good!

Then she will start a food thread.

[DaveM]

And we'll have one hell of a picnic in celebration. With stroopwafeln.

In fact, Hoops....maybe that's what you need to do. Get everyone you know together and have one heck of a big blowout, catered so you don't have to do the dishes. Celebrate life. Rather obviously, every day of yours is worthy of commemoration.

[stardust]

Hoops, I know exactly what you mean. When the possibility of our own mortality becomes probability, it opens up a whole new world of learning. Seven months ago, the probability was that I would not be here now, but (as a wise woman once wrote:) "this train still runs." I have honestly learned to appreciate the new perspective. In the last 7 months I have learned more about myself, the people I love, and those who love me, than I had learned in the entire 55 years preceding it. To me, the key is not neccesarily to do everything I want to do, but to thoroughly experience, appreciate, and enjoy whatever it is I am doing at the moment. I have been busy reconnecting with folks I have not seen in years, and it is so rewarding. There are days when all I am able to do is sleep, and I have learned to really enjoy being able to sleep when I feel like it, and having the time to attend to my dreams with full attention. I think truly appreciating the silver linings of dark clouds is key to recovery. It sort of nudges away the fear with a more positive energy. And speaking of positive energy, please do not underestimate the Rudie power being sent your way. Seriously, it is a powerful healing force. I know it!

[lucille]

Hoops, I'm with Bat. Get another opinion. Look for the best in the world, who may just well be out of your country. Tight hugs from downunder.:)

[Agnes]

Noel, all I could think of has been said more eloquently by others. So I'll just say that you are and will be in my loving thoughts, stubborn prayers and open heart.

Hug,
Agnes

[Bat]

I'm glad you have confidence in your medical team, Hoops...it's evident you've been doing your homework! I know they will be the best with you, because no doctor EVER likes to lose a patient, and they will have done all their homework concerning this op, too. (But I'm sure they are wrong about the state of your innerds, because you have the best guts I've ever seen!:D )

Maybe, at some future date, when you have restored your body with good nutrition to a healthy state, another course of action can be considered.
Meanwhile, you'll be able to concentrate on getting yourself back.
Much love and Rudie vibes coming to you in a constant stream, Noel!
Hugs,
Bat

[Eva]

Hoops, I admire you very much. You have had so many problems of a psychological nature and now this. But you show such strength and resolution to have the best life you can have. And to enjoy it in the best possible ways. You are a beautiful person.

Eva