and so it begins

[hoops]

woke up this morning...well not really woke up, but kinda since i didn't go to bed till after 6am. so i got out of bed again about 8:30 and it was snowing like heck... we got about 6 to 8 inches and it was nice i guess. so i was home all day, except when i had to go out to walk. so what does one do in the beginning of a new month and a new year when you concentration skills are a bit off and you have no place to go? pay bills...well not so much pay bills as write checks. most of my bills are paid online but things that are not i write out the checks for in the beginning of the month. by the time they reach their destination, the money is in the bank and all is ok again. happy new year to me and the people i owe money to. a good deal of sleeping was done today too. i've had a yearning to shave my head all day too. i'm fighting that one off for now, not easy tho...believe me
peace
hoops

[Bat]

I think you should wait until summer, hoops...make do with a short clip until then so you don't freeze.

[hoops]

i know i should wait, it's just that this is a coping technique that has worked for years..i'm working on learning a new and better one.
peace
hoops

[Bat]

How about shaving the legs and pits? A small compensation, I know, but socially acceptable. How is shaving your head part of your coping technique? that interest me.

[hoops]

well bat, when i'm nearing crisis with my mental illness, i have have suicidal intentions, so in order to not do that, i came up with other things that would distract me and get me thru the most difficult times. i have many of them, but the important thing that i have to remember to do it to make sure my coping technique is not dangerous in any way to me...this is also one of the most difficult things to do. so instead of hurting myself i cut off my hair, it is distrating and depreciating enough to get me thru for a bit. some other tchniques i have are driving very fast, sleeping, isolating, getting tattoos and there are many more that are less depreciating and more positive, like talking things thru to myself, writing, trying to focus on staying in the moment. all kinds of things, these along with my meds have kept me alive for many years and i learn more ways to "get thru" tough times every day. diverting crisis is the main goal, but if i can just get to the point where i can get help before i fall into crisis than i have done well enough. with all that is happening in my life, my strength is waning so i am vulnerable to crisis. it's a daily struggle, and the voices and the visions are loud and ugly and wear me out. OMG, i guess i rambled a little, i'm sorry.
peace
hoops

[DaveM]

Y'know, Hoops, none of those things worked for Britney Spears. I'm not sure you can't count on them. Trust me, there are other ways, and many are far happier. Visiting this board, as you have discovered, is always good!

[Bat]

Ah, now I understand. Thanks for your very cogent explanation, Hoops. It must be a very difficult way to live, but you seem to have enough presence of mind so be able to circumvent the baddies, at least temporarily. It sounds like you might want to get some help quite soon...don't put it off.
You've got enough on your plate without losing your sense of presence.
Feel free to ramble all you want...it helps you when we understand, doesn't it?
Best of everything to you, Noel. You have a wonderful, poetic soul and a good mind to go with it. Keep it available to all of us! If help is available, then go for it.
Thanks.

[gisli]

Bald women are sexy, so I kind of was hoping............(sighs)

The fun in life is the rollercoaster thing, you just go up in the carriage and weeeeeeee off it goes....up and down and side to side....takes a u-turn.....and sometimes one bangs ones head into something and it hurts like hell..........when that happens it sounds pretty sain to me to shave off all ones hair...I do it three times a year...about this time..........during early spring and late fall.......and the best thing in life is being able to talk about it and be heard and understood..........hey nobody can advise me on what I need to make me go through life.......but I like to talk about when life hurts and be heard and asked and..........and feel cared for......so I shave my head three times a year........

[Dee]

i've had a yearning to shave my head all day too. i'm fighting that one off for now, not easy tho...believe me
peace
hoops

I've done that a few times Hoops, tho for different reasons. I found it quite liberating as a matter of fact.

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k267/deemark/Deeshorn.jpg

[DaveM]

Hmmm....a BalDee.....

[hoops]

bat
thank you, i see my therapist tomorrow. i keep her well informed about my state of being
peace
hoops

[Agnes]

Just a hug to you, Noel! Hang in there, and, like Bat said, ramble all you want; we'll listen :)

[Bat]

Good. Tell her the Olbat wants you repaired. I hope she takes good care of you! Hugs.

[lucille]

Hey Hoops, I can't remember - do you have an animal? They are hard work, but mine have kept me much saner than I would otherwise be. I have to get up to feed them, I have to get dressed to take them for a walk. If I don't they practically pull me out of bed and bark and whine until I succumb. They give unconditional love in return. I know when you are feeling off, the last thing you want to do is crank up the computer, but know we are all here for you.

[Eva]

((((((((Hoops))))))))))

Eva

[Mimi]

Noel, I'm sending you a big hug from Germany!

MIMI

[hoops]

thank you all for your kindness and caring. truly, i give you my heart.
lucille, i had intended to get a little dog cause i love animals, but when i asked my landlord she said it would have to wait till after my surgery and recovery, so she knew it was being takn good care of. so i will be getting one in a few months, i know animals are miracle workers. can't wait to get mine little one. last year when i was living with my sister and her family the dog slept with me at night. he passed away since then, i miss him.
peace
hoops

[sister rose]

Take care of yourself, hoops...I can't manage the Rudie bus without you! :(

[DaveM]

We're all pulling for you, Hoops--and the Rudie Vibes are running overtime!

You'll need them for that ride on the bus, if nothing else. I am looking for one of those air bag jackets that have come out recently for motorcyclists.

[hoops]

davem, wow they sound cool... i wonder if you can make employ thm by jumping out of ..oh. i don;t know, sayyyy a rudie bus? just for kicks of course
peace
hoops

[Roady]

Sounds to me hoops that you've done a lot of work and learned ways to keep yourself safe. If you need to shave your head, do it- there's always hats to keep you warm. And you've got all of us! Stay safe my friend.