Nursery rhymes for big kids

[RedjackRyan]

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.




MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.




JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.



SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"



HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.



HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.


There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of
her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

[Stephen]

Mary had an little lamb
It danced in skips and hops,
It danced into the road one day
And ended up as chops

Mary had a little lamb,
so goes the tale of yore.
She loved that little lamb so much,
she passed the plate for more.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
He couldn't believe his eyes.

Mary had a little Lamb,
She fed it castor oil,
And everywhere that Mary went
it fertilized the soil.

Mary had a little Lamb,
It followed her to school,
They tied a brick around its neck
And drowned it in the pool.

Mary had a little Lamb,
You've heard that tale before,
But have you heard she passed her plate
And had a little more.

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10 000 volts shot up its leg
And turned its wool to nylon

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bear.

Mary had a little lamb
and tied it to the heater,
every time it turned around
it burned its little peter!

Mary had a little lamb
She ate it with mint sauce
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb went too, of course

[Amy in Vermont]

Y'all are just extremely sick! :eek:

[SongDragon]

Ba ba black sheep have you any brain?
No sir, no sir, three times lame.
One from an accident,
And one from Mr. Duke,
And one from the boy who lives down the lane.

((Made up in fifth grade, Mr. Duke was a clueless science teacher.))

Little Willy used to drink,
But he shall drink no more,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2So4.

Little Willy found some dynamite,
He couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays,
It rained Willy seven days.

((Found and taught until I had three memorized, those are the only two I remember perfectly now.))

~Song

[Dee]

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"
LOL Yer naughty! LOL

[Denise]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses
and all the King's men ....




.....laughed.

:D

[Eva]

Aaaaaargh! The only sane one here I am! The only sane one!
But for how much longer...? :confused:

Eva

[Denise]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a Spider
who sat down beside her...


and she ate him too..
:D

[Bat]

Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was black as soot;
On Mary's clean white bedspread
his sooty foot he put.

My Bonnie leaned over the gastank,
the height of its contents to see.
He lighted a match to assist him...
O, bring back my Bonnie to me!

[GodSistah]

Hail Mary, full of grace
Stepped on her dress
and fell on her face.

:p

~Andrea~

[Ochiya]

And I so thought this was going to be Andrew Dice Clay. :rolleyes:

[Bat]

:rolleyes: Upon making an exceptionally clumsy move and falling flat, I was assailed with , "Enjoy your trip, Your Grace! See you in the fall."
ARRRGH!!

[PeteCC]

A lesbian lass from Khartoum
Took a gay fella' up to her room.
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

[david uk]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a Spider
who sat down beside her...


and she ate him too..
:D

Denise that is very supid but I did laugh!:p

[Dee]

Three fried mice
Three fried mice
Were rather stunned
Were rather stunned
They all ran after
The gangster's wife
Who blew of the heads
in the dead of night
Did you ever see
Such a horrible sight
For three fried mice?

[Dee]

***

Twinkle twinkle little star
I wonder what the hell you are
Are you friend or are you foe
Or are you a UFO?
Twinkle twinkle little star
I wonder what the hell you are

:p

[Denise]

Denise that is very stupid but I did laugh

Ha Ha! :D you got that right!!

[RedjackRyan]

ROFL


You folks are more twisted than I could have hoped!

and just for Ochiya, a little Diceman.


Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and said, Hey..whats in the bowl bitch?


Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
to fetch her dog a bone
She bent over and Rover took over
and gave her a bone of her own.

[Denise]

Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and said, Hey..whats in the bowl bitch?


OMG!! That is my favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha!! :D

[Dee]

You folks are more twisted than I could have hoped!
But whatever do you mean? :confused:

Georgie Porgie puddin’ and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
that’s when Georgie knew he was Gay :p LOL

[snakegrl]

I don't think I can post most of the ones i know, except this;
Whatcha doin'?
Eatin' chocolate.
Whereja get it?
Doggie dropped it.

[PeteCC]

Georgie Porgie puddin’ and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, he's funny that way.

[GodSistah]

Ahhhh...Redjack you'll unknowingly make Funkateers out of all these Rudies with those Funkenstein nursery rhymes. ;)

~Andrea~