My Mom is really sick!

[Darlene]

Last night I e-mailed my aunt to ask her about my mother. I just got this e-mail:
Darlene, She is still in the hospital in Crossville. She has stayed just about as long as they will let her. They will send her home soon. She is maybe just a tiny bit better. She still can not transfer her self from bed to chair by her self. They have had her up walking. She cannot talk above a whisper, her vocal cords are paralyzed. Yes Beverly almost died at least 3 times. Love you, Ikie
Beverly is my mother. No matter how much you try to think, that because they don't care, you pretend that you don't care. When it happens it hurts. No one called, no one e-mailed. They don't want you there and they will not call you. What are you supposed to do? When I call it is always at an inopportune time and they will not call me back.
I just want this horrible issue to stop. I guess the best thing for me is not to ask. Then I will not know and it will not hurt as much.
Peace, Darlene

[DaveM]

Sometimes, Darlene, all you can do is divorce your family, as far as emotional involvement is concerned. It is easier said than done, but why serve as the repository for the ills of all others involved? You do not deserve that. Leave them to work on their own lives, as it certainly seems they need to with some urgency.

[Dee]

They don't want you there and they will not call you. What are you supposed to do?

Darlene,

As you may already know, I am estranged from most of my family too. I don't know your history but mine is that I was used to feeling outside of mine from early childhood. I don’t have expectations of them anymore. I did try for some years to improve the dynamic there but they have their own ways and have always been closed to the idea of changing. Now I have a family of friends that I’ve adopted who behave like a family should.

Disappointments only come from having expectations. Sometimes you just have to accept people’s limitations and go on no matter how you wish it were otherwise.

My father recently had heart attack that required triple bypass surgery. You probably saw I posted about that. So yes I care about him as a human being, but there is no exchange of affection between us. You seem to at least have contact with your aunt and a good relationship with your granddaughter so maybe it’s better not to expect more of others including your mom than they can give.

[aabram]

I saw this just now and hope and pray, that one day quite soon your mother will recognise you for who you really are, Darlene...... a very loving and caring daughter..... One day, your aunts, sisters, cousins, brothers and all your friends will recognise you as the loving and caring person I have come to know, and one day this world will actually care about the loving, caring person we all care about...

lol Annabel

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Hi Darlene...

First and foremost Betty and I send our prayers for you and your Mom and the entire family... As to the other situations you have to deal with... People are strange... You can never expect the expected from even family so really the best you can do is send out your prayers and do what you feel is right... Darlene don't let others cause you to feel guilt for their actions... Just create your own golden rule... One you can accept and live by... So long as you don't short change yourself you won't be shortchanging anybody else...

Best to you and yours....

R & B from pa

[ponytail]

So sorry to hear that your mother is ill, Darlene -- and that she's handled it the way she has. I don't know that contacting her would help -- probably not -- but praying for her can't hurt. At least you'll be doing something positive on her behalf.

I'm sending prayers your way, and hers.

[aabram]

I really hope that if the worst comes to the worst, Darlene, you will be able to find something to hold onto. I'm here if you need me, and things don't turn out the way you want them to and which I do too, then at least you still have us to turn to.... We're still praying

Annabel

[RedjackRyan]

Darlene, I honestly don't know what to say other than that shaggy Randy Pa makes good sense. In the meantime, you've got my support.

[hoops]

sending prayers out right now
peace
hoops

[Judy]

I can't understand what you feel, Darlene, as my mother loved us all past reason. I don know that if there is anything you feel you want to say, want to ask then do it. Sometimes tomorrow doesn't come.
Judy

[Roady]

Darlene,

Sorry to hear your mother is sick but I'm more sorry to read how it's affecting you. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe, sane and healthy even if that means staying away from family.

You've got a lot of Rudies supporting you-you aren't alone. Let us know what we can do to help.

Roady

[Darlene]

Thanks Roady and everyone I wish that were something to be done. But it's just the way my life is. I have a role to play and I guess I will play it. There is nothing to be done. But hay, that's the way life is, we are born who you are and sometimes that is not exactly what you may have wanted but someone has to play it. In this case it is me. Thanks for all you guys have done for me. You will always be in my heart.
Peace, Darlene

[Bat]

Something tells me that when your mother goes, Darlene, you will experience a tremendous sense of emancipation.

[SongDragon]

Hey Darlene. Prayers and thoughts to your mother. Also to you. It feels horrible to be "out of the loop" so to speak. Take care of yourself, and I hope things get better.

~SongDragon