Advice, please.

[gisli]

I was just going over the working hours from work and just noticed that on the average I have been working 112 hours per week the last 6 months and this is the time that is supposed to be slow.

Anyways it did come as a shock to me and it is sinking in why I always have read eyes, little consentraition, sometimes speak blurry like drunk people do and when talking have a black out on simple thinks like a chair......or call it a hammer.

I haven´t kept a diary, until know, and looking back I have more or less always been like this. When younger a day at work used to be from 7 in the morning to midnight and over the summer there where days that I worked 24 hours straight.

I am not going into more details but I think you get the picture. I am a workaholic and need to deal with it, I just don´t know how? So I am asking for advice here in this forum on what possible first steps to take towards life.

[aabram]

Well, for a start, Gisli, I don't think you should work quite so hard! Then take time to relax and listen to some Janis...take up a hobby, go to the pub and above all, give YOURSELF some time. I do that all the time, but now I'm getting bored of it so it's time for me to find some paid work :eek: I hope others will agree with me

Annabel

[Dee]

I make it a rule never to give advice Gisli, but I do make suggestions and this is the best one I can think of at the moment:

Workaholics Anonymous is a fellowship of individuals who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problems and help others to recover from workaholism.

The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop working compulsively.

Workaholics Anonymous (http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/)

You should find plenty of support and understanding there from others who know what you are going through. Wishing you all the best in this major life change!

[Darlene]

Gisli, Good luck and ruddie vibes. What Dee said is a really good idea. Working too much is an addiction so think about Dee's suggestion of looking into Workaholics Anonymous.
Peace, Darlene

[Oak Kitten]

Gisli,

From what I have read, workaholism is sometimes a coping strategy that some people (usually men, according to studies) use to avoid dealing with an underlying problem of depression.

A few years ago, a went through a major episode of depression. I did not drown myself in my work - in my case it was a struggle just to function effectively on a daily basis. However, since I have recovered through a combination of medication (which I no longer have to take) and cognitive behavioral therapy, I have developed a much greater appreciation for living a balanced lifestyle. I am planning to retire from the Navy Reserve, probably at the end of this year so I can have that time to pursue other interests. I will still work for the Navy as a civilian, but I don't want my life to be "All Navy - all the time."

In your case, it may not be depression, it may just be a case of realizing that as you get older that time is really all we have - and how you choose to spend the time you have left is immensely important.

I think it was Jackie Kennedy who said that she knew of no one who said on their deathbed - "I wish I had spent more time at the office."

The fact that you are finally questioning this pattern of behavior is a great first step, Gisli. Don't be afraid to dig down deep and figure out what is driving this behavior. I wish you all the best.

Oak

[gisli]

Thank you all.

Annabel, the thing is I don´t (can´t) relax. It is years since I read a book from start to finish, with one exception, a book by an auther named Jack Veasy. The think is instead of going to a pub, I go to work, put music on and keep working after working hours when I am alone, and seldomly am aware of time until around midnight, I never see what I have finished, only what I have left to do. Ohh and I have a hobby.....The work of Janis Ian the artist.

Dee your suggestion is very helpful. I have been reading the web page you recommended and did the 20 question test. They say that if you get more then three yes´es then you are a workaholic........well I got 15 yes´es. With your suggestion I know have a tool that hopefully will give me better understanding and hopefully a recovery. Thank you.

Darwood much apprechiation for your good wishes and rudie vibes.

"We have realized that our work is only the outward manifestation of our inner turmoil and our essential spiritual disconnection"
This is what I read in the web page from Dee's post so you have a point ther Oak. I am not going to rule out depression from my part, but I don´t think I am depressed, although when tired I think all kinds of negative thoughts, like loosing someone in my family and stuff like that. With a lot of those kind of thoughts one could acquire depression , and that is not a good thing. I lean more to the fact that I am ageing and am realising that there is more to life than work.......the time has come for me to give me a slack to stop and smell the roses.

Oak thank you for sharing your story to me, I hope I have the same streanght as you to face this and hopeflly overcome it.

Also thank you again to all of you for your good advice and suggestion.

[Dee]

You are most welcome, Gisli.

I too have had to make some major life changes over the years and know that the best people to help you are those who have been down, or who are on the same path you are on. No one else will "get it" quite as well.

No matter how good their intentions, they just can’t if they haven’t been there.

[hoops]

gisli, i wish you the best of luck. i'll add a prayer for you each night. this is a serious situation. i'm a recovering work a holic. a lot of it came from just loving my job, but most of it came from wanting to do better all the time. now that i work more regular hours, i have a lifE!!! and it is good
peace
hoops

[Eva]

Gísli,

I find it hard to give you any advice or even make suggestions. Because I have never been there. I have no experience with being a workaholic. However, I have experiences with addictions in a broader sense. My own problems with food / sugar and the adictions of loved ones around me: I suspect my brother is a workaholic. And there is of course also the alcoholism of my ex boyfriend.

If I look at my ex: he has now stopped drinking. This doesn't only mean that he stopped drinking alcohol. In that case every break he would take in drinking would be 'stopping'. It also means that he doesn't want to use alcohol as a tool to run away from his emotions. And it means that he had to find other ways to fill his time and to make his life meaningful.

I guess workaholism is the same way. Taking a holliday doesn't mean one stops being a workaholic. One realy has to want it to stop using work as a way to hide away from the world and ones emotions. And it meansd that someone has to find other ways to fill the days and make life meaningful.

Of course, we need to work to be able to eat. And if you enjoy your work and are therefor prepared to work a lot: fine. But if your life consists almost only of work and if you have no idea what else to do in a day, than you are missing out on a lot of things. Scary things, yes. But also good things. Beat the addiction, Gísli! We are here for you.

Take care!

Eva

[Roady]

Annabel, the thing is I don´t (can´t) relax. There are a lot of reasons for not being able to relax. As Oak mentions this can even be a symptom of depression. Or any number of underlying causes. I won't try to diagnose though having been a psych nurse I'm in the habit of doing just that. At least you realize that you're not in control of some aspects of your life and are asking for help. Your description of a kind of "black out" sounds like it could be sleep deprivation. Happened to me driving recently and scared the you know what out of me. Very dangerous!

I think a talk with your family doctor is a good place to start. And I'd inquire about a referral to someone better able to deal with what your experiencing than your average GP.

Sorry you're hurting Gisli but help is here and out there!

Roady

[Kathleen Brogan]

I indentify well, Gisli! I used to work 12-13 hour days from ages 29 all the way to my early 40's. I have really made a change in my life.When I decided to do was start my online business I devoted more time to that, and it's something I really love doing. So, I decided that if I work hard, it will be doing something that I enjoy. I don't skip lunch anymore and I look forward to vacations, instead of worrying about taking the time off. I stopped looking for my self esteem at work! I had to change my own behaviors! Anything can wait until tomorrow. And, it's amazing! Almost every business I've ever left is still operating without me.

[DaveM]

If any of you could loan out some of your excess energy....it would really come in handy here. Perhaps we could work out some sort of swap?

Oh, and don't make a habit out of "relaxing" with that Icelandic antifreeze. If nothing else, it'll ruin your work!

[gisli]

Thanks all, you know guys, Eva, that is just it.... I love my work, I love it so much I can´t leave it, it makes me so happy, I don´t think I am running away from anything by working?????

Roady, I also have sleeping disorder if you want to diagnose me more, and that is good for my work, for I wake up at nights and go to work. Needless to say work and home are in the same place.

And of course Kathleen I don´t take breaks like you do, did, I have my own company and got that feeling it will not be there if I take a holiday.

Hoops and Kathleen what does one do when not at at work? What kind of life is out there?

I know this has to change........for even though my mind loves to work, my body and soul are starting to hurt.

All of you it was nice to read your comments, advice and/or suggestions, I have taken the first step towards a new and exciting journey.

Ps. DaveM I have told you before, I will tell you again, I need the antifreeze cause I don´t want to be cold...and the fermented shark........and the cod-liveroil.......I live in ICEland for heavans sake, if I stop taking it, I might get me some nasty flu or something else that drags me away from work.

[aabram]

Thank you all.

Annabel, the thing is I don´t (can´t) relax. It is years since I read a book from start to finish, with one exception, a book by an auther named Jack Veasy. The think is instead of going to a pub, I go to work, put music on and keep working after working hours when I am alone, and seldomly am aware of time until around midnight, I never see what I have finished, only what I have left to do. Ohh and I have a hobby.....The work of Janis Ian the artist.


Gisli, that's the music side of things. My hobby is bellringing, and I'm a pretty good knitter, so relax, enjoy, and if you can't do that, get a dog!!!!! :p

Annabel

[DaveM]

Hadn't thought of that, Gisli....mind, Northern Minnesota could probably compete with Iceland for cold. It got even chillier early in the 20th Century when thousands of Finns settled here. Even they don't seem to be completely certain as to why. However, if you are visiting a home in the country out here and there's a little log hut in back of the house, it's probably not an outdoor toilet--it's a sauna.