speaking out

[colinandersson]

Dar - one of the drawbacks, major one really, about letting people know about your past, at least one I have found to be so. They see you differently.

They become afraid of you. The think you are unstable. They can't have a simple exchange of ideas with you any longer because if you have a different idea from them, they don't consider it because 'well' you aren't normal'. They conveniently, for them, just see one as less than they are.

The physical friends I have in my life are not like that. I have those that are but they are not in my life now.

I was on another email lsit a few years back which I joined(10 years ago now!) whilst I was still in therapy and I shared rather too much of myself there. I eventually left because no one treated my ideas with any respect at all. If I disagreed it was because I was disturbed! 'you would think that because of your past'

There is something about being a survivor of absue that scares people so instead of being compassionate to those of us that survive, they continue the abuse, even if they are not aware of it. Our thoughts, itellect and views are dismissed as the disordered ramblings of a damaged soul. Yes, even the most 'enlightened' ones treat us like that!

Anyway, I have said much this morning. You post hit the spot Dar!

[Eva]

Colin, can you tell me which post in which thread you are referring to? I would like to read it. Thanks.

Eva

[aabram]

Eva, I think it might be on the "Demonstrations" thread, but I can't be sure :)

Annabel

[ponytail]

You're right, Colin. I know what you mean about having your opinion dismissed -- I've had people do that to me, face to face, who only knew I was in therapy and didn't even know any actual details. Online, I've had worse happen to me -- on another site that I used to frequent a woman launched a vicious attack on me using the fact that I was an abuse survivor. Among other things, she said that my mother's hating me (I'd never said that, but she twisted what I did say) was only natural, because anyone would have that reaction to me. She also threw all kinds of homophobic invective my way. Turns out she was an abusive personality trolling the site for victims. I hear the so-called "administration" there still tolerates her, but I will never go near that site again.

This site is one of the safest places on the net, thank God (and Janis!) Abuse will not be tolerated here. But experiences like we've both had do have a lasting chilling effect, sadly. I'm very reluctant to trust people I meet online -- and, let's face it, for the most part that's wise.

[Darlene]

Thanks for the advice colin, I really didn't want to tell my story, but people seemed confused even harsh about why I felt about the things I did. So I began to tell my story.

As usual I screwed up! I know that the zoo can be harsh and I went there knowing that I might get my feelings hurt. And I did but I kept on. I was trying to fit in. And now it seems as if I have blown it by reviling too much about my history.

I do love Janis Ian and hope to get to see her live someday. So I will not go completely go away I just will not communicate. I hate it when someone does not take me seriously by not letting me have an opinion of my own or ideas about things. But if people cannot take me seriously because I am crazy, I no longer will be posting except for the stemming for Janis. So, I no longer will be posting except for the stemming for Janis. I probably will be hovering around looking down at times to see what is going on. And I will be here in spirit because we all have one thing in common that is our love for Janis Ian.

So, Thank you guys especially those who have been kind and even those who have been a little harsh only for my own good.

Peace to everyone, Darlene

[Dee]

I hope you'll reconsider doing that, Darlene.

I for one enjoy your posts greatly, and would miss reading them. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and what you have been through in life.

Daniel

[RedjackRyan]

I'll second what Dee said. I haven't participated in the discussions but i have found your posts enjoyable.

[Eva]

Colin, Darwoods,

I have read this thread and the 'demonstrations' thread a few times. Where is it that Darlene is not taken? Where people said harsh things and knowingly hurt her feelings? Sorry, I don't see it. Is it because my English isn't good enough or what? Please point me to it, because I have no idea what you are talking about. Ergo: I have no idea why you decide to leave Darlene.

Eva

[colinandersson]

I don't understand what has upset Dar either Eva.i wrote to her privately hooping she will stay.

[sky]

I don't know that we were being harsh and critical, I know that for me being one of those people voicing a different opinion than you I was only stating my opinion about the issue and my view happend to be different than yours.

I think that mybe you have been triggered by this thread (like I was in the new here thread) --and if you are like me after you reveal to much about yourself then you feel bad and sort of ashamed.

But having said that and voicing my own opinion that was different than yours--I too was sexually abused and I revealed that in the Jann Arden thread and in another thread but I deleted that post after because I felt too ashamed at the time. But I still have a different opinion than you. When I mentioned that people don't seem to care when a 5 year old is raped I was thinking about my life becuase that was how old I was when it started.

Being a sexual abuse survivor doen not make any of us an authority on abortion or others peoples lives. We are all just different have different ideas. It doesn't mean anyone is right or wrong--it's about personal choice and views. Please don't go. :)

[sky]

please Stay

[Bat]

As far as opinions about abortions go, that is the essence of Freedom of Choice: It is up to the individual woman and her doctor, not other people's opinion, not the church, not the government. Freedom is freedom, and it is a very individual thing to each of us.
Darwoods, you put out a powerful argument against abortion. As far as I'm concerned, it is a last resort, for whatever reason the woman considering it has been driven to the wall and comes at last to that as her own final alternative.

I, personally, would not consider having one under normal circumstances; but as I said before, I could not carry the child of a rapist...I simply could not.
I would not even consider having it to adopt it out. I would be too afraid that the bad wiring would pass itself on to the child.

( I believe deep-brain wiring is pre-programmed. Otherwise, why are beavers driven to build dams, even going through the motions in a dry cage, with no wood, no water and no examples to base their behavior on?(they do.) Why are some of us gay, and some not, with no examples to base our behavior on?)

Now, not every man is a rapist-- thank goodness they are the exception, not the rule--and not every rapist has been mistreated as a child nor raised differently from their siblings...so if they grow up to be rapists, perhaps there is something to this hard-wiring in the brain. I would not be willing to take that chance to raise a rapist's child.) This might sound far-fetched, call me goofy, but it's something I believe, so we'll let it go at that. Can't be proven either way, as far as I know, so it's sort of like faith--a personal thing. I could not ever tell anyone else not to have anyone's child, though...it's definitely none of my business, as I see it.

The point of all this blather is that you have every right to express yourself as you wish, and so does everyone else, as long as we are reasonably civil to each other. Being of strong opinion or even vehement is not saying that the other's opinion is wrong--only seems wrong to the way another person thinks, which is perfectly ok, actually. We each have a right to our own opinions.. If we should differ, well, that's what makes the world go round...it doesn't make either of us necessarily wrong, merely differing in opinion.

I value your input to this board, Darwoods, and wish you would stay.
Nuf sed.

[hoops]

darwood,
you are a rudie, one of us, we would be not be the same without you..please reconsider. Many of us have 'stories' here and we share to the level of our own comfort, and some of us have not found a level of comfort yet and others have found comfort of some kind in their discomfort. and i know you know that this is different for all of us and that is changes daily, even moment to moment. I have been a member of this board for over a year now and i find it to be a very safe place to be vulnerable, to be uplifted and uplifting and even a safe place to be misunderstood. we don't keep score and we don't hold on to what is hurtful. acceptance, forgiveness and love...give it a chance Dar, it lives here
peace
hoops

[Elliott]

Why do we love this place so much? I'm here almost every day and never get enough of you folks. I don't post too much, but I care about all of you and really look forward to seeing what's going on with you. There is not a doubt in my mind that if I needed your support and prayers they would be here, and that feels good. I personally feel that everyone is welcome to be here and welcomed back when they need to take a break. It's hard to put feelings out on the board, especially when you are exposing your most heartfelt emotions. I've learned from experience that if you don't want to hear the truth about something, don't ask you guys. This is an honest bunch of friends you rarely see in person who share a common passion for the work of Janis Ian. Thanks for being here with me.

[Darlene]

OK guys you all too sweet! I know some of you do not want to hear that. But it is true! I sat back and read some of the posts (not about me and being cowardly) but about the other posts it was really difficult not to put my opinions down. I guess I do feel safe here. It is nice to know that I can speak my mind and even though people will not always agree (sometimes all of you) with me it's OK I'm still a Rudie. I like that! I am a Rudie! Thanks! I am back.

Peace to all of you, Darlene

[DaveM]

Darlene....if everyone is thinking alike, no one is thinking, to quote (of all people) Gen. George Patton. Speak from your honest heart and mind and if someone disagrees, you'll still have been honest with yourself and with us.

For myself, I'm awfully glad no one is required to agree with another's opinion as there'd be villagers with torches out in front of my house.

[Darlene]

Dave, It would be a boring world if everyone thought the same way.

Peace, Darlene

[DaveM]

Wouldn't it?

[Dee]

Phew! Glad to hear it.

Darlene,

The thing is, the Internet by its nature brings together people from all walks of life – so many different backgrounds, colours, shapes and sizes suddenly connecting where this kind of opportunity was nonexistent before the growth of cyber technology. It can feel overwhelming at times I know.

Disagreements are bound to happen, as are clashes, and occasionally disrespect (from the few) for whatever reason. I try hard not to take any negative comments to heart. Having only words on a screen, they can be easily misunderstood too. This little cyber community is unique in that tolerance and respect and free exchange of ideas is permitted, perhaps even encouraged.

Please don't let misunderstandings get you down. That's just the nature of the Internet and will always be. I suspect you are strong enough to overlook them and have more to contribute to us all.

Opinions are not facts. Actually, they are a lot like butt holes; everybody has them. :p

Glad to see you posting again.

[Eva]

Opinions are not facts. Actually, they are a lot like butt holes; everybody has them. :p
And with this elegant description Dee has brought us back to the basics again :rolleyes: :D

And by the way... I am NOT sweet.

Pirate Queen

[david uk]

Darlene

so pleased you will be staying with us ! :)

[Agnes]

And by the way... I am NOT sweet.

Pirate Queen

Bwah, just feed her and she's like a kitten...

*ducks and runs*

[Mimi]

I'm really glad you will stay with us! People like you make the board the place I like so much!

Mimi

[ponytail]

So glad to hear you're staying, Darlene. For the most part we're a pretty welcoming bunch, and about the only thing anyone has to worry about here is maybe some occasional friendly teasing.

Eva is a sweetie pie...:p

[hoops]

yayyyyy your staying
peace
hoops

[DaveM]

We can be an acquired taste, I'll grant you that. Once acquired, however, you'll most likely never be satisfied with anything less than the original.

[Darlene]

I am definitely getting an acquired taste for this board but boy are there are some hard lessons to learn...but when it comes down to it you guys are so supportive. Thanks, A thickening skin rudie, Darlene

[Bat]

Atta girl, Darwoods!
As your skin thickens further, you'll learn to read between the lines and quite often find a tongue-in-cheek.
That's what makes us unique (just like everyone else, thank-you-OakKitten)
:D

[Eva]

Darlene,

After a while you'll even learn to enjoy a good keelhauling by us Pirates. We are very good at it. Please voluonteer when you are ready.

Pirate Queen

[marjan]

Darlene I'm glad you decided to stay with us!
You are one of the members that makes it worth to check in everyday and I for one enjoy reading your posts.