afraid to make friends

[colinandersson]

This is in response to the person who is afraid to make new freinds because of the pain of loss.

I am not sure if this is allowed so please forgive me if that is the case.

The pain you feel is normal and is excruiating. I know.

However, if we try to avoid it we suffer more in the long run. We will be lonely. And worse, we willnot feel joy. If we avoid pain, we shut down ALL our feelings. I know.

Last August I suffered a loss. Someone I trusted turned out to be a con artist. They were only in my life for the money they earned doing for me what i can't do for myself. they were very clever, 'groomed' me for a long time(Iam wary) and only slowly wormed their way in. I was devastated when i discovered the truth and swore I'd never let anyone else in. Since then I have let two more people in.

Loss thru death is one of the worst griefs, but that too gets easier to bear. And we carry on and love others, not forgetting those we loved who have gone ahead of us.

Life is full of pain and of joy. If we try and avoid pain, we will lose big time and will have lived a life void of anything real.

So whislt I understand well what you feel, I would urger to give yourself time to learn to carry your loss and stay open to allowing yourself to share love again.

[sky]

Colinanadersson,
although I wasn't the one that this post was addressed to I wanted to say that I am sorry that someone that you finaly let in was only there to take advantage of you. It is good to be a bit wary.

[marjan]

Thanks Colinadersson for your post! The original message was posted by our Saxman. I'm sorry to read that you have to find out that you are treathed bad behind your back. You're in good company around here though. Janis herself found it out the wrong way herself. And I'm sure many off us did. And to answer you .. no it doesn't mean we have to crawl under a stone, we learn from it and go on.

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

Trust, what an amazing thing... some can give it with ease, and yes sometimes get stung.... Others can never seem to give it at all.... Like most I've had people that were friends that did me...royally... Yet you know to regret even the bad choices in friendship detracts from the best of people.... We are in a world with so many friends from near and far that we just haven't yet discovered... I can say that through this board I have discovered several.... REDJACK only gets part of the blame for that... Marjan & Annette get some blame also... Incidently Annette, we got your card,,, thank you so much... And of course the Saxman, and Gemini, The Invisible Couple from Wisconsin and so many others to include Janis and Philip...Trust is an amazing thing but you have to risk trusting others for it to work...

Best to you all

R. from Pa...

[aabram]

Colin, I was delighted to make your aquaintance by email last night. Your inspiration and encouragement is an absolute joy to everyone here, letting us all know that there is hope in any given situation and that togetherness is what it's all about. Trusting someone is all too difficult these days, but by trusting us in joining the Board in first place, Colin, you have taken the first step and you are now well on the way to Heaven :D. By letting me into your life slightly, you have demonstrated this. We can talk some more about this later on as I have a cat story about trust for you as well. Together, WE ARE INVINCIBLE and..... United we stand, divided we fall.

Welcome to Rudieland :)

Mike, long may you continue to benefit from Rudie support and Colin, I hope as a "newbie" you will find what you want to find from this Board, and you will experience the Rudie Love, Rudie Support and Rudie Prayers which all of us have for anyone who asks :)

[Dee]

Colinanadersson,
although I wasn't the one that this post was addressed to I wanted to say that I am sorry that someone that you finaly let in was only there to take advantage of you. It is good to be a bit wary.

It is Sky. It's also common sense. Repeating the same mistakes is pointless.

I fully believe something that the poet and educator Maya Angelou (http://www.mayaangelou.com/) says: when we know better, we do better.

Sometimes pain comes to teach us some lesson, difficult as those lessons may be.

[saxman]

Thanks for understanding and taking time to post this . i am sorry as well its hard to let New people in its a struggle i deal with and i Know the pain ,it gets better so im told , i can only hope so.

[sky]

Dee,
I can tell I like the way you think. And of course your taste in music.

[colinandersson]

well that incident was a shock to me. I was completely taken in. Not once did I ever think I was being defrauded. Niether did my partner, and he was really shocked too. Normally he sees the bad side of people whereas I didn't.
We returned from our holiday to find my dogs in a mess, the house in a mess and her gone. I found out from my neighbours that the dogs had been left out all night every night. This person pretended to love me, be my 'sitser' and was very very convincing. It turens out she targets disabled people, worms her way and then satrts doing paid work for them after first doing it for nothing....

However, it had a very good outcome for me-more strength. I knew beyond a doubt that this abuse was NOT my fault. In the past i would have struggled to figure out what I did wrong. I knew I had done nothing wrong, nothing at all. There are some sad people about.

I was supposed to be at a dog show now(5.30am), or on the way. Weather awful but I was up to go anyway. I had to return cos I forgot the dog trolley(!!!) and decided to call my friend to Tell her I'd be ruinning late. She had already left and had was waiting for rescue as she has written off her car! Thankfully she and her dogs are fine, just the car is not. So I am now home and staying put.

You people seem very kind.

[Dee]

Dee,
I can tell I like the way you think. And of course your taste in music.

Awww, thanks Sky. I just can't help it. :o

What's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Blame is lame, and a waste of time and energy.

Speaking of music, here are words from another of my favourite songs:

We've been around, we fall, we fly
We mostly fall, we mostly run
And every now and then we try
To mend the damage that we've done
Tonight, tonight I just can't rest
I've got this joy here inside my breast
To think that I did not forget that child
That song of Bernadette

So many hearts I find, hearts like yours and mine
Torn by what we've done and can't undo
I just wanna hold you, won't you let me hold you
Like Bernadette would do

I just wanna hold you, come on let me hold you
Like Bernadette would do

from: Song of Bernadette (Leonard Cohen, Jennifer Warnes, Bill Elliott)

[aabram]

I was supposed to be at a dog show now(5.30am), or on the way. Weather awful but I was up to go anyway. I had to return cos I forgot the dog trolley(!!!) and decided to call my friend to Tell her I'd be ruinning late. She had already left and had was waiting for rescue as she has written off her car! Thankfully she and her dogs are fine, just the car is not. So I am now home and staying put.

You people seem very kind.

Colin, we're Rudies!!!! Of COURSE we're kind!!!!! Sorry to hear about the car!! :eek: