Please Listen

[Dee]

I've long believed that most of the world's problems stem from people not really listening. It’s a learned skill to put our own thoughts on delay when in conversation with others. I’m still working on that one.

I’ve also seen cyber collisions because someone didn’t take the time to really focus enough on what someone else has written.

Please Listen

(author unknown)

When I ask you to listen to me,
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask that you listen to me,
And you begin to tell me why I should not feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me,
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen: All that I ask is that you listen,
Not talk or do - just hear me.

When you do something for me,
That I need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact,
That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you
And go about the business
Of understanding what is behind my feelings.

So, please listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn -
And I will listen to you.

[Margay]

You know Dee, there is a Dutch poem by Jana Beranova that goes like this:

Als niemand
luistert
naar niemand
vallen er
doden
in plaats van
woorden.

Roughly translated:

If nobody
listens to nobody
there will be
deaths
instead of
words.

In Dutch it is nicer because it doesn't say 'there will be' but 'will fall' since in Dutch you can say both 'deaths will fall' and 'words will fall'.

[Dee]

Seems we are on the same train with this one, Margay. Thanks for the share! :)

[RedjackRyan]

Great posts, would only that more folks would take them to heart.

[Eva]

Could you repeat that please? I wasn't listening...

Pirate Queen

[Dee]

Sorry, did someone say something?

[Oak Kitten]

You are on to something there, Dee. Implicit in the willingness to listen is the idea of showing another person respect. Anna Freud, the granddaughter of Sigmund Freud made an observation in a recent NPR interview that has really stuck with me. She has essentialy spent most of her life refuting much of the work of her famous forbear - who saw all human behavior as driven by some subconscious unresolved sexual conflict. Once his theory of psychoanalysis was accepted, he stopped listening to anyone who had a different point of view. Of course, now Freudian psychology has largely been discredited - but his vestigial legacy still exerts a huge influence on the masses.

At any rate, Sophie Freud was asked if she accepted Sigmund's fundamental premise about sexual conflict and she said no. She said that the most essential element that governs how we relate to ourselves and to others is the concept of respect. And I think she is absolutely dead on in that assessment. Most of the world's troubles are caused by people who were never given respect and therefore have none for themselves, or those who feel they have been denied the respect they deserve. It works on the nation-state level as well.

Listening is a huge part of demonstrating respect for others. Sophie Freud and Aretha Franklin are right.

Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me . . .

Respectfully yours,
Oak

[GodSistah]

...just a little bit, just a little bit...

ok now I'm listening

;)

~Andrea~

[Dee]

She said that the most essential element that governs how we relate to ourselves and to others is the concept of respect.

I agree, Oak. Most everyone likes to feel they are not only being listened to, but actually being heard. That can't happen when one party is simply listening and thinking about what they are going to say next.

(A good indicator of that is if you're speaking and the other person's eyes begin to glaze over. LOL) ;)

[Elliott]

Amen! Great post.

[Circuitboy]

Thanks Dee. I have printed that and plan on giving it to a buddy of mine who NEEDS to read it. I needed to read it too.

[NinasSpaceChild]

Thanks Dee. I have printed it out and am giving a copy to my boss. Not that he'll read it or understand it.