Gandalf
10-30-2006, 06:24 PM
This was first posted on my web log at http://www.henryfarkas.com/weblog/
I swear to you--Scout's Honor!--that every word of the following is true and I have embellished nothing. Halloween is a good time to read this post; you should be scared by the end. :eek:
Enjoy!
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HISTORY:
Timex. The company is frustrating but I love their watches.
Particularly my Timex DataLink. I've owned one since (literally) several days after they were first introduced. This will be my 4th one since 1994. I've been perfectly happy with my current one, but it finally died. I went on a long and frustrating search for a new one, and finally ended up calling Timex today because their web site is down. Let me say that Timex Customer Service ranks right down there with the "service" you get from telephone companies. We pick up the story in its current phase, including only today's incidents. They are illustrative of the larger history and experience.
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I finally got a new watch. I went to timex.com and their site is still down. They did post the customer service number. I copied it down, and called it. Whoops! It got the Indianapolis Section 8 Housing Emergency Services Department. Really! Try dialing 800-418-4639 instead of 448 and hear for yourself!
Well, after that little goof, I found out that the watch I wanted is not a new model; it is an old model that has been discontinued. No more in the warehouse. I tried a few Timex stores, including Shelton (close) and Waterbury (home of the Timex Museum, and as good a guess as any). No dice.
OK, I head to the local mall. There were no other customers, and there was a young lady behind the counter.
Her: Can I help you?
Me: Ignoring the temptation to say: "MAY I help you?" I responded instead: "Yes, I need a new watch, please."
Her: What kind?
Me: (Removing my watch ad handing it to her) This one.
Her: It says "low battery". You need a new battery.
Me: We replaced the battery on Saturday. I need a new watch.
Her: I wasn't here on Saturday.
Me: The manager changed it. I wasn't being literal.
Her: (Giving me a strange look and picking up the phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.
Her: (To me) Do you want to get it replaced?
Me: No, the battery was replaced 3 days ago.
Her: You said you wanted to send the watch away for replacement.
Me: No, I said I wanted to get a new watch.
Her: (To me)
Her: (To phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble. Click.
Her: (To me) Why don't you go to the case and pick out a new watch?
Me: I want this one.
Her: We don't have those.
Me: (Walking to case, and pointing to the watch) Sure you do. Here's one.
Her: That one has a different band.
Me: Can you please take the band off my watch and put it on this one?
Her: (Moving to the next case) Here's one with that band.
Me: That's not the same watch.
Her: It's the same thing; it just doesn't go with a computer.
Me: I want a watch that connects to a computer. That's what I have. Can't you please swap the band from this watch (extending it) with that one (pointing to an identical watch in the case)?
Her: [Tries to think of a reason why not. Appears to fail. Slowly opens case and gets watch.]
Me: It's 30% off and comes with a free lifetime battery replacement coupon, right?
Her: The watch is 30% off. The free battery coupon is $7.00.
Me: Fine. I'll take it.
At this point she starts trying to disassemble the band. I notice that the cash register's display reads $102.77. I hope it is from the previous sale. She gets the new watch's band off. With a struggle. She gets my old watch's band off. With a struggle. She attempts to put the old band on the new watch.
Her: This band doesn't fit.
Me: It's the exact same watch.
She works at it for a long time, finally succeeding in replacing the band. I cheer inwardly for her, hoping that this will be an accomplishment that she can remember.
Her: Do you want to try it on?
Me: (Putting on watch) It fits perfectly. Thank you.
Her: That's $102.77.
Me: No, it's $74.20.
Her: (Points silently at register display.)
Me: You didn't enter the 30% discount, did you?
Her: Well, I scanned it in, and that's what the register says.
Me: Right. The watch is $90.00, right?
Her: (Nods yes.)
Me: Well, whatever the register says, that can't be the right price if it's on sale, can it?
Her: (Picking up phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble. (She appears to be getting an affirmative answer. She hangs up.) They're on sale, but my manager isn't here and I can't do that.
Me: Can you void the sale?
Her: [Insert blank look here]
Me: Can you cancel the sale?
Apparently she can, because she does so, with what appears to be one keystroke. Once again the register display is welcoming me to The Timex Store.
"OK," I say, "This is really easy. Ten percent of $90.00 is $9.00, right?" She nods, but I think it looks tentative. "OK, three nines are 27, and 27 from 90 is 63, right?" She is staring at me, wordlessly. "I got the battery coupon and 63 + 7 is 70, a nice round number, OK?" Dead silence. Fixed stare. "Tax in CT is 6%. Seven sixes are 42. We move the decimal place over, because the tax is 6%, not 60%. Ha, ha, 60% tax would be really bad, right?" My attempt at lightening things up appears to be failing. She seems frozen. "So it's easy," I conclude, "70 + 4.20 is 74.20! See?"
At this point (I am not kidding) she backs away from the counter as if I am a dangerous lunatic.
"Really," I reassure her, "it really is." I point to the big calculator on the counter. "Try it."
She just stares at me. I keep my jolly face on and point reassuringly toward the calculator. "C'mon," I say, "I'll walk you through it."
She stays frozen for a little while longer, then slowly reaches for the calculator with a look that clearly says: "If you humor the madman, maybe he won't kill you. Maybe you'll get out of this alive." She doesn't look convinced of that, either. I wonder if she has pushed a silent alarm, but she's touched the calculator, and I walk her through it. To her credit, she types very quickly.
She comes up with $74.16. I'll take it. I smile at her. "See?"
She rings up my sale, puts my old watch in a bag (I never took off the new one when I tried out the band) and hands it to me.
Me: What about the disk and the cable?
Her: You just get the watch.
Me: I just bought a brand new watch!
She goes to the display case. No cable, no CD, there. She goes through every drawer twice. She can't seem to find the watch's box. I silently point to the box that the watch had been leaning against in the display case. She looks surprised, then grabs the box for my watch. She keeps a poker face, and registers no surprise when the cable, CD, and instruction booklet are all there. Just like a new watch!
I follow her to the counter, and remind her that I want the free battery coupon. She grabs one from a stack and starts to fill it out. "What's your name?" she asks me. I'm prepared for this. I keep a large-print card in a sleeve in my wallet with nothing but my name, address, and phone number on it. It makes things simpler all around. You wouldn't believe how hard it is for people to get my name right.
She fills out the coupon and hands it to me. To her credit, I think I even see a little flourish in how she hands it over.
"There you go," she says as she hands the coupon over, "you're all set!"
"My wallet."
I point to my wallet. "Can I have my wallet back, please?"
"Oh."
She hands over my wallet.
I leave with my watch.
On my way back through the food court I grab some cheap Chinese and head back to the office. Upon returning, I finish lunch and read my fortune.
[B][I]
"Sudden love takes the longest time to be cured."
Yeah, today was a day for revelations, for sure!
I swear to you--Scout's Honor!--that every word of the following is true and I have embellished nothing. Halloween is a good time to read this post; you should be scared by the end. :eek:
Enjoy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HISTORY:
Timex. The company is frustrating but I love their watches.
Particularly my Timex DataLink. I've owned one since (literally) several days after they were first introduced. This will be my 4th one since 1994. I've been perfectly happy with my current one, but it finally died. I went on a long and frustrating search for a new one, and finally ended up calling Timex today because their web site is down. Let me say that Timex Customer Service ranks right down there with the "service" you get from telephone companies. We pick up the story in its current phase, including only today's incidents. They are illustrative of the larger history and experience.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally got a new watch. I went to timex.com and their site is still down. They did post the customer service number. I copied it down, and called it. Whoops! It got the Indianapolis Section 8 Housing Emergency Services Department. Really! Try dialing 800-418-4639 instead of 448 and hear for yourself!
Well, after that little goof, I found out that the watch I wanted is not a new model; it is an old model that has been discontinued. No more in the warehouse. I tried a few Timex stores, including Shelton (close) and Waterbury (home of the Timex Museum, and as good a guess as any). No dice.
OK, I head to the local mall. There were no other customers, and there was a young lady behind the counter.
Her: Can I help you?
Me: Ignoring the temptation to say: "MAY I help you?" I responded instead: "Yes, I need a new watch, please."
Her: What kind?
Me: (Removing my watch ad handing it to her) This one.
Her: It says "low battery". You need a new battery.
Me: We replaced the battery on Saturday. I need a new watch.
Her: I wasn't here on Saturday.
Me: The manager changed it. I wasn't being literal.
Her: (Giving me a strange look and picking up the phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.
Her: (To me) Do you want to get it replaced?
Me: No, the battery was replaced 3 days ago.
Her: You said you wanted to send the watch away for replacement.
Me: No, I said I wanted to get a new watch.
Her: (To me)
Her: (To phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble. Click.
Her: (To me) Why don't you go to the case and pick out a new watch?
Me: I want this one.
Her: We don't have those.
Me: (Walking to case, and pointing to the watch) Sure you do. Here's one.
Her: That one has a different band.
Me: Can you please take the band off my watch and put it on this one?
Her: (Moving to the next case) Here's one with that band.
Me: That's not the same watch.
Her: It's the same thing; it just doesn't go with a computer.
Me: I want a watch that connects to a computer. That's what I have. Can't you please swap the band from this watch (extending it) with that one (pointing to an identical watch in the case)?
Her: [Tries to think of a reason why not. Appears to fail. Slowly opens case and gets watch.]
Me: It's 30% off and comes with a free lifetime battery replacement coupon, right?
Her: The watch is 30% off. The free battery coupon is $7.00.
Me: Fine. I'll take it.
At this point she starts trying to disassemble the band. I notice that the cash register's display reads $102.77. I hope it is from the previous sale. She gets the new watch's band off. With a struggle. She gets my old watch's band off. With a struggle. She attempts to put the old band on the new watch.
Her: This band doesn't fit.
Me: It's the exact same watch.
She works at it for a long time, finally succeeding in replacing the band. I cheer inwardly for her, hoping that this will be an accomplishment that she can remember.
Her: Do you want to try it on?
Me: (Putting on watch) It fits perfectly. Thank you.
Her: That's $102.77.
Me: No, it's $74.20.
Her: (Points silently at register display.)
Me: You didn't enter the 30% discount, did you?
Her: Well, I scanned it in, and that's what the register says.
Me: Right. The watch is $90.00, right?
Her: (Nods yes.)
Me: Well, whatever the register says, that can't be the right price if it's on sale, can it?
Her: (Picking up phone) Mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble. (She appears to be getting an affirmative answer. She hangs up.) They're on sale, but my manager isn't here and I can't do that.
Me: Can you void the sale?
Her: [Insert blank look here]
Me: Can you cancel the sale?
Apparently she can, because she does so, with what appears to be one keystroke. Once again the register display is welcoming me to The Timex Store.
"OK," I say, "This is really easy. Ten percent of $90.00 is $9.00, right?" She nods, but I think it looks tentative. "OK, three nines are 27, and 27 from 90 is 63, right?" She is staring at me, wordlessly. "I got the battery coupon and 63 + 7 is 70, a nice round number, OK?" Dead silence. Fixed stare. "Tax in CT is 6%. Seven sixes are 42. We move the decimal place over, because the tax is 6%, not 60%. Ha, ha, 60% tax would be really bad, right?" My attempt at lightening things up appears to be failing. She seems frozen. "So it's easy," I conclude, "70 + 4.20 is 74.20! See?"
At this point (I am not kidding) she backs away from the counter as if I am a dangerous lunatic.
"Really," I reassure her, "it really is." I point to the big calculator on the counter. "Try it."
She just stares at me. I keep my jolly face on and point reassuringly toward the calculator. "C'mon," I say, "I'll walk you through it."
She stays frozen for a little while longer, then slowly reaches for the calculator with a look that clearly says: "If you humor the madman, maybe he won't kill you. Maybe you'll get out of this alive." She doesn't look convinced of that, either. I wonder if she has pushed a silent alarm, but she's touched the calculator, and I walk her through it. To her credit, she types very quickly.
She comes up with $74.16. I'll take it. I smile at her. "See?"
She rings up my sale, puts my old watch in a bag (I never took off the new one when I tried out the band) and hands it to me.
Me: What about the disk and the cable?
Her: You just get the watch.
Me: I just bought a brand new watch!
She goes to the display case. No cable, no CD, there. She goes through every drawer twice. She can't seem to find the watch's box. I silently point to the box that the watch had been leaning against in the display case. She looks surprised, then grabs the box for my watch. She keeps a poker face, and registers no surprise when the cable, CD, and instruction booklet are all there. Just like a new watch!
I follow her to the counter, and remind her that I want the free battery coupon. She grabs one from a stack and starts to fill it out. "What's your name?" she asks me. I'm prepared for this. I keep a large-print card in a sleeve in my wallet with nothing but my name, address, and phone number on it. It makes things simpler all around. You wouldn't believe how hard it is for people to get my name right.
She fills out the coupon and hands it to me. To her credit, I think I even see a little flourish in how she hands it over.
"There you go," she says as she hands the coupon over, "you're all set!"
"My wallet."
I point to my wallet. "Can I have my wallet back, please?"
"Oh."
She hands over my wallet.
I leave with my watch.
On my way back through the food court I grab some cheap Chinese and head back to the office. Upon returning, I finish lunch and read my fortune.
[B][I]
"Sudden love takes the longest time to be cured."
Yeah, today was a day for revelations, for sure!