The beginning, and the end...

[Alicia]

My son Michael was born 35 years ago today. He loved to fish.

10 years ago today, he celebrated his 25th birthday. Six days later, on the 13th, he was cutting a tree which then sprang back on him, killing him. On the 16th he was burried.

If you know someone who has lost a child, know that they cannot forget their birthday, no matter how long it's been. Know that they can never forget the day they died, or were burried, ever.

Please don't ask them what's wrong during that time of year, and don't tell them it's time to get over it.

A parent who has lost a child doesn't want sympathy. She/he doesn't want to be taken care of, or coddled. All a parent who's lost a child wants is to be able to have the space to feel remorse, sorrow for the loss, no matter how long it's been.

A time where there is no prying into private thoughts. A time where there is no pity, no suggestions, no questions, no need to be upbeat or supportive. Just time to remember.

Many of you have expressed loss, or that you know someone who has lost a child. Please try to remember the general time of year, where you don't have to ask "What's wrong?" Try to give them room to morn, and a hug maybe, but don't force communication. Just let them know that you know and understand.

Having said that, I need no response to this post. I would appreciate if you would take a moment and remember a boy who liked to fish, and who's name is Michael. Maybe say a silent "Bless you Michael, happy birthday." :(

[RedjackRyan]

Here's to Michael! Happy Birthday.

[Oak Kitten]

In the rising of the sun, and in its going down, we remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and in when it ends, we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

Blessed Be,
Oak

[Cardiffgal]

Here's a hug for Michael and one for his Mom.

[Alicia]

Thank you all. Oak kitten, what a lovely poem. Yes, we do remember them. Redjack, and Cardiffgal, thank you.

[Denise]

I have a son...I can't imagine...Happy Birthday Michael...God bless you both

[SongDragon]

Alicia, hugs to you. Happy birthday to Michael. I shall think of him also on my birthday... the thirteenth.

~SongDragon

[MARILYN/GEMINI]

Alicia......I hope you are given the quiet time you need......thoughts and prayers to you and Michael on his special day........

[DaveM]

Blessed birthday wishes to Michael, and a big hug to his Mom.

Gone! Gone! Yea, but hark!
For I did trick the sorry, loved;
For where e'er thou art am I.
Yea, this love o'me shall follow thee
Unto the Where, and thou shalt ever know
That through this sorry setteth me
I be where'er thou art. --"Patience Worth"

[Kath of the Guitar]

((HUGS)) To you Alicia, and Birthday wishes to Michael.
May you find some peace.

[Bat]

Different people mourn their deepest losses in different ways.
My Wiccan friend, Emmy, lost her son to AIDS about 10 years ago, too. His name was also Michael, and every Halloween she throws the best party in town to commemorate her son. I guess maybe she doesn't want to be alone then. I brought her a porcelain figurine of a purple fairy on a mushroom, with little tiny daisies around the bottom...she thinks I must have second sight, because she says her son was a fairy, and he called himself 'Daisy'.
(I didn't know any of this!)
At first I thought it was a little wierd to have a 'deathday' party, but seeing how happy it makes her to have her friends around her, some who remember and talk about knowing him, I think it's probably the best kind of therapy she can give herself...different strokes for different folks, Alicia.
I hope you remember all the good times you had with Michael, the laughs and good fish fries, and be thankful you knew him, even for such a short while.
My heart is with you at this time.
Hugs,
Bat

[Alicia]

You guys are all so wonderful. Song, happy birthday, in advance! Bat, as far a death days, the closest I come to celebrating it is knowing that death days are as important as birthdays. Your day of death here is a day of birth (or rebirth) in the world of spirit. One of the Tombstones in the graveyard where Michael is burried says "As the family chain grows smaller here, with every link added, the circle grows in Heaven." I remember that we are not physical beings with a spirit, but spiritual beings with a physical body. That makes it easier, I think. Thank you all. :)

[gisli]

Bless you Michael, happy birthday. Take care of your mother she is so special.