Butt on the line time - please help!

[Racheldiva]

Hi,
I am writing to ask about fear.
I am freaking out a bit at the moment and have just sussed out why I've not been sleeping well over the last few nights.

A while ago I wrote some songs that I was proud of. I even made an ep of 3 of the songs and sent them to publishing companies. They were all sent back, which I guess I expected really.

I shelved the songs and time passed as it does. More recently I picked up my guitar again and started playing the old songs and even wrote 3 new ones.

Since being a little kid I have always wanted to be a singer. Not necessarily a singer songwriter or musician, but a singer. I have dabbled in bands and on stage in operas (I was vocally trained from quite a young age) and now I find myself to be quite advanced in years for this sort of thing - 37 (how and when did that happen?!) And it's now or never time for the singer songwriting thing.

Now I have made the decision to actually do this. The first step being the recording of a demo and then some gigs to follow. So my query is this. Why am I not sleeping and why is my mind fool of stress? I wasn't even aware what exactly I was worked up over ...failure and/or success.. until this morning when I woke up exhausted and had to call in work asking for a day off.

All my life I have put this off and put it off again until now I find myself scared stiff of nameless demons and wondering if I'll ever be able to do it without having all sorts of inner turmoil.

My determination is such this time that I know I will do it, but doing it whilst keeping everything else together would be preferable!

Any suggestions or help would be very greatly appreciated.

x
:confused:

[Irish Beth]

Lots of people have an actual fear of success........they think they fear failure, but the reality is that success is actually scarier. Lots of advice about failing....pick yourself up; try, try agian, you crawl before you walk, etc. But not much is out there about succeeding. I think that is your fear.

I overcome fear with organization, I boil every step down to its smallest part and then take the baby steps toward my goal.

Anyway, good luck. Hope this helps a little.

Irish Beth

[Racheldiva]

Beth,
thanks that does help a lot.
r
x

[DaveM]

Gosh.....I didn't know women could have performance anxiety (sorry about that).

Seriously, this world has been full of extraordinarily-talented people who live in terror of stepping onto a stage in front of real live people. Johnny Carson, I have heard, suffered from "stage fright" most of his life; Loretta Lynn has often spoken of becoming so anxious before a performance that she has been known to vomit.

Not trying to put myself in the same class as those people, but I dropped out of college in part because I could not put off taking a speech class any longer. Eventually I did grow out of it. Indeed, during the same period I worked in radio briefly and generally signed off at the end of my show with: "and remember, ladies and gentlemen: on radio, no one can see you blush".

Fear is a strange motivator; when it warns us of pain, that we're about to fall over a cliff, or that a mountain lion is about to attack, it's a good thing. When it paralyzes us for reasons we know perfectly well make no sense....that's another matter. One thing about fear is that it does tend to concentrate the mind wonderfully.

I can see one thing: my experience and that of others is that when facing something like public speaking, the anxiety tends to go away as soon as you get out on that stage and get to it. And one other neat thing: no matter how large the audience, if the spotlight's on you....you won't be able to see them.

[Racheldiva]

Dave,
thanks for your input. I loved the no one can see you blush on radio comment - a classic!
I have had to be firm about things this time around and have spent most of the day working on the songs and some time this evening recording them. I'm sure I'll work through it when the time comes to step on stage.
I once did a presentation at work actually. I was less nervous that I had thought I'd be. I think it was because I had gone over and over the material for weeks before; like learning a script - failure was not an option. I had to continue working with these people day in, day out!
r
x

[hoops]

I became a teacher overnight...on the spot really ( long story and not so exciting) but as i trained further to become what they call in businessland "more effective" i was taught that having a "holding point" can make a world of difference and it did for me. what you do is decide on something that you will see and can touch every time you "go on" and after touching and holding that thing for just a moment, you become the performer and leave the scared performer back at that place to pick up when you are thru. that way you never give up that scared person, you just put it away for a while. lsoing or giving up or even becoming anything brings with it a feeling of lose and therefore grieving. with this little trick you by pass the grieving process and thus the fear of grieving because you don't lose anything. just a thought it worked for me
peace
and best of luck
hoops

[Oak Kitten]

Racheldiva,

Your last post is a big part of it. Preparation. Do it until you know it cold. When I took my comprehensive examinations for my dissertation, I blew the doors off the written part of the exam, but I completely crashed and burned on the orals. I had to take them over. My dissertation director who has always had great faith in me, took me aside after the exam and told me he had recommended me for a teaching assignment at the U.S. Naval Academy. I looked at him like he was nuts. By the time I drove home from Philadelphia to New Jersey, there was a message on my answering maching from the Chairman of the History Department at USNA. That August, I found myself in a HUGE faculty office with a view of the bell tower on Sampson Hall, prepping to teach 3 classes to the incoming plebes (freshmen). I sat there thinking, "What the hell did I get myself into?" That first semester was a killer. It took everything I had to stay one step ahead of the students. On top of the preps, I have a voice disorder, Spasmodic Dysphonia, that causes my voice to strangulate when I get overly nervous. (If you listen to the Diane Rehm show on National Public Radio, she has it as well). I dealt with that by being up front with my students. I would tell them that the first 15 minutes of my lecture were going to sound awful, but once my vocal chords warmed up, it would improve, and it did. They accepted it no problem. I taught for two years, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. My course evaluations from my students were excellent, and I was nominated for a major teaching award. If I had let my fear overtake me, I would never had had that great experience.

I will be defending my dissertation in July, and I fully expect to do a heck of a lot better than I did on the comps.

Bottom line, if this is something you really want to do, go for it! You already know what you need to do, you just need some encouragement, and you have come to the right place.

Oak

[janisian]

Oak's ideas are good. Also, make a list of everything - absolutely everything - you fear about the future. And everything you hope for. And what you fear most about that hope.
Listing things is a good way to "defang the tiger".

[DaveM]

And don't try imagining that the audience is naked unless you want to risk major attacks of the giggles.

Also, stay away from Chinese food containing MSG before going onstage. Learned that one the hard way.

[Dee]

In December, I was invited to be part of a fund-raising show at our National Arts Centre. Not having stepped on a stage for 20 years, I was sure I would blow the performance completely, be unable to sing and my fingers come down with amnesia on the fret board of my guitar. Inexplicably, my singing partner Kathy and I got through the two songs and neither of us fainted. Maybe since I rehearsed those songs even in my sleep.

Moe75 and his wife Heather were there so you can ask them how it went – although they said it sounded good.

As others are saying RD, prepare. Then rehearse, take a deep breath and focus and you’ll be fine.

[Racheldiva]

Dear all,
just a note to say thank you very much indeed for your advice and encouragement. You've given me lots to think about and try.
You are all very kind, thank you!
:)