strange personal beliefs

[hoops]

there are a lot of reasons why i'm bring this up at this time, one being that i just watched janismania again and Janis said the words 40 years so many times i can't possibly ever for get it. another is that my 39th birthday is coming up end of this month. I always seem to start my new age about a month before my actual birthday. I start refering to myself by my upcoming age i guess to get used to it, to try it on and see how it fits, tho age has never eally mattered to me much at all...till now. 39 is here and 40 is on it's way and judging by the speed of the last few years , it is not far off. 40 is an age that has been with me since i was very young and i don't really know why. from as far back as i can remember till the days i became so busy with "life' that i really had time to think about it 40 has been the big year for me, the year i am going to leave this world. it is in that year or in a year very near to it that i have believed since i was small that I am going to die. The thought used to fill my head very often when i was younger than 20 and still tho less often since then. i don't remember why this belief found me, and it's one that i've only shared with a tiny # of people, but it is a very pervasive belief. maybe it was when the voices really started in my head from the psychosis, i don't know. but i would like to know if any of you have had beliefs that would seem strange to anyone but yourself.
peace
hoops

[Oak Kitten]

Hoops,

I have I guess what could best be described as "extreme animist" beliefs, in that I can attribute just about anything that exists with a soul. I guess that's what makes it hard for me to throw stuff away. Even when I am typing on the computer, if I make a spelling mistake, I try to figure out how I can fix it without "killing" too many letters by erasing or striking over them.

I don't have any problem with snuffing out mosquitoes, however.

Oak

[Amy in Vermont]

....the expression Life Begins at 40 really is true. At least it was for me. It was at 40 that I faced down some of my major demons and truly became a renewed person.

Perhaps your vision means the end of the "old" Hoops and the beginning of a wonderful new you.

My only pervasive belief is that everything happens for a reason. I have been called a fatalist because of that, but I do beleive it. We may never know or realize that reason, but it helps me deal with that which I cannot control. And laid back though I try to be, and appear to be to others, I am a control freak deep down inside.

[Green Monkey]

I joked at 40 that I was over the hill.

When I turned 41, I quipped that I was picking up speed. :D

Joking aside, 45 and 46 were great years. For a variety of reasons, I was able to set intention aside and just feel the music of the world. And I liked it. Thats one of my silly beliefs, my foolishness, my dream. I hope I do not lose it, its too precious.

be well

GM :)

[Oak Kitten]

I really like Amy's theory about 40 being the beginning of a new "you."

Oak

[Wildflower Fever]

6 years to go. My, how they fly, though.

[Dee]

When I was growing up (if you call it that) I had the same fixation with the number 19. I was sure I wouldn't live beyond that age. Yes, I could say the "old" me died then. A year later I left the oppressiveness of my hometown behind me, and started on a path of independence - which wasn't always so good at times.

Now I'm 46, and still trying to grow up. I don't think I'll ever make it tho.

:cool:

[Eva]

Perhaps your vision means the end of the "old" Hoops and the beginning of a wonderful new you.

Yes, I'm with Amy on this one. Exactly what I was thinking when I read what you wrote, Hoops.

I can't think of any strange personal beliefs that I have... Maybe the fact that "If I do it myself I am sure the job get's done well". It's means that I am a controlefreak, I guess... How strange is that?

Eva

[snakegrl]

I'm with Amy and Eva on this too.
I feel everything is in a constant flux, changing. I am not the same as I was with every letter I type, think of typing, or even before I think of typing.
The problem we give ourselves( and others) is when we try to put a stop on the flow.
Certain phases of our lives have a significance, perhaps even critical.
Modern society fails to recognize this in any meaningful way. We seldom have rites of passage.
I feel that 40 is a transition for many people, just like adolesence; maiden, mother,crone if you will.
Don't sweat it Hoops. You could be pleasantly surprised with change.
At 45, I feel like I'm really getting into stride.

As far as strange beliefs, I am so not in the mainstream that most of what I think and practice would be considered strange. So what. I think society is pretty strange if not crazy. Always have since childhood. But, that's another story.
Real quick story- true- An autistic boy got lost in the Florida woods when he wandered into a nearby creek. Searchers looked for several days, fearful of the dangers the boy faced: gators, poisonous snakes, fire ants, ect...
When found, he had only a few minor scratches.
It was thought that because he was autistic and did not see the world in the same way as others, he wasn't afraid and so, did not panic.
He floated along the creek's current, drinking as he needed,
till he was found.
Good luck to you Hoops.

[hoops]

thank you all,
40 is not a number i've ever been afraid of, i'm not afraid of getting older and i'm not afraid to die. recently when the thought of my life ending at 40 has come to me, i turned it inot just what most of you are saying, being rebiorn an new me, that could be my fear of not having lived the life i have want to live and having it end this way seems to be a waste. for whatever eason i just refuse to believe that my life will end wihtout love in it, without the chance to live. that scares me more than death...i've seen death, been there before it's not bad at all, living life without love, without living is death in itself. I'm a bit down today because 40 looms near and life is far away. i've come to realize that i cannot afford to live on my own for at least the next two years...which means my freedom to be who i am is severly limited for the next two more years at least...and who knows if i will be able to move out of my fathers house then even. just needed to get that off my chest thanks for listening.

[DaveM]

Dee, for some years I had an obsession with the number 59 for the same reason....where does this stuff come from?

I grew up around some rather superstitious people, but none of it rubbed off. Except for one thing. I know it's absolutely ridiculous, but to this day I feel uncomfortable setting a hat on a bed. Now and then I have a hat for sale on eBay, and my first instinct is always to photograph it on a chair or on the floor or what have you--then I get over it, throw it on the bed, and take the pictures.

I have been at estate sales where people literally ran to get out of the room when I picked up an old umbrella and opened it to see if it was complete. Didn't bother me at all.

[ponytail]

Thanks for sharing, Hoops. I had a similar feeling about forty...and I just passed through 51 and I'm still here. It is a drag that being with your family limits your freedom to explore what you need to in life.

I know that you're Catholic, and I was wondering: does the gay Catholic group Dignity meet in your area? That might be a good place to find support. Or, for that matter, MCC might also be a good place -- it's gay and Christian, if not Catholic.

As far as strange beliefs -- a lot about me would be considered "strange" by "normal" people. But my equally "strange" friends don't have a problem with that!

[hoops]

PT,
no , in fact there are no gay groups at all for 40 miles. i live in the hudson valley, near the catskills, in a little (no offense) very red repulican town...even with woodstock right next door the gay commuinty is in hiding and not telling where it can be found...yet...we're working on it, those of us who have stepped oput to take the chance

[Melba]

6 years to go. My, how they fly, though.
I hear ya......omg..now that you have actually typed that, I have to think about it....:eek:

And hoops, I am betting a "new you" will emerge...keep us posted.