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View Full Version : My First Funeral: A Minister's Cautionary Tale



DaveM
07-02-2006, 12:24 AM
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen", "Praise the Lord", "Glory", and such. I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations -- I wasn't going to let this homeless man go out without someone taking notice of the service! I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for more than 20 years."

hoops
07-02-2006, 11:14 AM
OMG haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that has to be the funniest thing i have ever read!

ponytail
07-02-2006, 12:10 PM
Holy Sh_t!:eek:

DaveM
07-02-2006, 12:13 PM
One of those delightful tales which, if not true, should be.

RedjackRyan
07-03-2006, 04:26 AM
lol thats funny! Good one Dave!

NinasSpaceChild
07-03-2006, 04:48 AM
heh heh. Still, the intent was there.:D

DaveM
07-03-2006, 11:44 AM
And I'll bet they've never had any trouble with the septic tank either. Maybe if we'd had ours blessed while I lived out on the farm, it wouldn't have caved in.

hoops
07-03-2006, 05:21 PM
having a large family,we've had to have our septic tank pumped out at least five times in the last 30 years ( that's a lot) and we've had to extend the pipeline known as leachfield that runs under the yard and back to the septic take at least 10 times ( we have the greenest grass in the area) ...we've had a new septic tank installed twice ( again that's a lot) and the thing is, when you add on or need a pump out or are putting a new tank in, the people who do the pumping, putting in etc don't dig the holes around here, and i haven't met anyone who extends the leachfield pipeline...except us, more than one morning before we started digging, we were saying our prayers that it would not be as bad as we knew it would be. i guess that's why i love this joke so much