PDA

View Full Version : An open letter to Jerry Falwell



Dee
07-01-2006, 01:13 PM
Dear Jerry Falwell ,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Rkitko
07-01-2006, 01:32 PM
Wasn't this originally a letter directed toward Dr. Laura Schlessinger? I never knew Jerry Falwell had a "show." :confused:

Eva
07-01-2006, 04:47 PM
Is Jerry Falwell your landlord, Dee?

Eva

diver_boy
07-01-2006, 05:53 PM
Rk, i believe you're right...i've seen it in my spam mail before. Dr. Laura is another one that needs to be sodomized slowly with a dull knife.

DaveM
07-01-2006, 06:28 PM
Good old Leviticus....who says there is no humor in the Bible? I believe Leviticus 11 or 12 informs us that bats are birds, and rabbits chew the cud, and that some birds and insects have four legs.

Can't recall which book Jonah comes onstage in, but it should be noted that the Bible states he was swallowed by "a great fish", NOT a whale. So, take pity on the poor whales--they've been getting a bad rap for thousands of years.

Dee
07-02-2006, 05:21 AM
Dr. Laura? You mean that loudmouth anorexic shrew who isn't even actually a doctor? LOL Yah, she's the first person I'd turn to for advice ... once my brain stops functioning and falls out ... maybe. :p

snakegrl
07-02-2006, 07:45 AM
Well, that would make you G. W. Bush, would'nt it?

david uk
07-02-2006, 08:15 AM
That is so well said I don't give a damn who it comes from.....

ponytail
07-02-2006, 12:24 PM
I agree. It makes its point brilliantly. The Bible has its beautiful moments -- look at some of the poetic passages in Ecclesiastes -- but it is also full of ludicrous absurdity.

Point of clairifcation: I don't know if he still has a "show," but Falwell used to have one called "The Old Time Gospel Hour." He helped orchestrate the downfall of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker in order to steal their TV satellite.

Rkitko
07-02-2006, 06:52 PM
He helped orchestrate the downfall of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker in order to steal their TV satellite.
I thought "thou shalt not steal" was one of those commandment thingies :confused: What a Christian he is!

janisian
07-02-2006, 07:39 PM
Dee, Dr. Laura is indeed a "doctor" in the fullest sense of the word. She has a PhD., I believe as a gym teacher.

Kathleen Brogan
07-02-2006, 08:21 PM
That explains a lot! ;)

Rkitko
07-02-2006, 10:00 PM
Close... her PhD. is in physiology, but definitely not psychology. She was a licensed MFCC (Marriage, Family, and Child Counselor), but by no means is she allowed to do therapy (and her MFCC counselors license has since expired).

Wiki knows all:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger

DaveM
07-03-2006, 12:10 AM
Nice to know that the "traditional values" folks have a spokesperson who, in keeping with "traditional values" is completely honest and up front in every way.

Getting caught in bed with her might make for a lovely headline-grabbing scandal, Janis. Then again, there are some things one simply doesn't do in a decent society.

lucille
07-03-2006, 03:05 AM
Well, she is a gym teacher:D but then yuk, skin and bones, yuk yukyuuukkk

Dee
07-03-2006, 03:56 AM
Dee, Dr. Laura is indeed a "doctor" in the fullest sense of the word. She has a PhD., I believe as a gym teacher.

Thanks Janis,

I knew she had something to qualify her Dr title, and I knew it had nothing to do with having all the answers to people's questions. Just couldn't recall which discipline it was. Or maybe discipline was her discipline!


Trivia for anyone who may not know her:

Dr Laura started her radio career very much in support of Gay and Lesbian people, our human rights and so on. I used to listen to her call-in show in those days. Then something went terribly horribly wrong, and she became (seemingly overnight) the bombastic moralistic prig of a woman that she is today.

Marcia Drummergal
07-03-2006, 10:11 AM
Apparently she resented that "stereotype" about gym teachers! LOL

Marcia :D

DaveM
07-03-2006, 11:53 AM
Dee, perhaps she had a bad reaction to that Gayfluenza vaccine you were talking about. She's certainly in need of a strong shot of SOMETHING, at least.

ponytail
07-03-2006, 12:30 PM
She's such a pill, she could just try swallowing herself.:cool:

snakegrl
07-04-2006, 07:38 AM
LOL PT, but then she may choke on such a bitter pill.
Too bad she won't turn all of that enery around in some better way.
May she serve as an example.